Showing posts with label Entertainment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Entertainment. Show all posts

Monday, April 14, 2014

Traumatic Memories Hid in the Brain!!

Some stressful experiences – such as chronic childhood abuse – are so overwhelming and traumatic, the memories hide like a shadow in the brain.
At first, hidden memories that can’t be consciously accessed may protect the individual from the emotional pain of recalling the event. But eventually those suppressed memories can cause debilitating psychological problems, such as anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder or dissociative disorders.
A process known as state-dependent learning is believed to contribute to the formation of memories that are inaccessible to normal consciousness. Thus, memories formed in a particular mood, arousal or drug-induced state can best be retrieved when the brain is back in that state.
In a new study with mice, Northwestern Medicine scientists have discovered for the first time the mechanism by which state-dependent learning renders stressful fear-related memories consciously inaccessible.
“The findings show there are multiple pathways to storage of fear-inducing memories, and we identified an important one for fear-related memories,” said principal investigator Dr. Jelena Radulovic, the Dunbar Professor in Bipolar Disease at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine. “This could eventually lead to new treatments for patients with psychiatric disorders for whom conscious access to their traumatic memories is needed if they are to recover.”
It’s difficult for therapists to help these patients, Radulovic said, because the patients themselves can’t remember their traumatic experiences that are the root cause of their symptoms.
The best way to access the memories in this system is to return the brain to the same state of consciousness as when the memory was encoded, the study showed.
Changing the Brain’s Radio Frequencies
Two amino acids, glutamate and GABA, are the yin and yang of the brain, directing its emotional tides and controlling whether nerve cells are excited or inhibited (calm). Under normal conditions the system is balanced. But when we are hyper-aroused and vigilant, glutamate surges. Glutamate is also the primary chemical that helps store memories in our neuronal networks in a way that they are easy to remember.
GABA, on the other hand, calms us and helps us sleep, blocking the action of the excitable glutamate. The most commonly used tranquilizing drug, benzodiazepine, activates GABA receptors in our brains.
There are two kinds of GABA receptors. One kind, synaptic GABA receptors, works in tandem with glutamate receptors to balance the excitation of the brain in response to external events such as stress.
The other population, extra-synaptic GABA receptors, are independent agents. They ignore the peppy glutamate. Instead, their job is internally focused, adjusting brain waves and mental states according to the levels of internal chemicals, such as GABA, sex hormones and micro RNAs. Extra-synaptic GABA receptors change the brain’s state to make us aroused, sleepy, alert, sedated, inebriated or even psychotic. However, Northwestern scientists discovered another critical role; these receptors also help encode memories of a fear-inducing event and then store them away, hidden from consciousness.
“The brain functions in different states, much like a radio operates at AM and FM frequency bands,” Radulovic said. “It’s as if the brain is normally tuned to FM stations to access memories, but needs to be tuned to AM stations to access subconscious memories. If a traumatic event occurs when these extra-synaptic GABA receptors are activated, the memory of this event cannot be accessed unless these receptors are activated once again, essentially tuning the brain into the AM stations.”
Retrieving Stressful Memories in Mice
In the experiment, scientists infused the hippocampus of mice with gaboxadol, a drug that stimulates extra-synaptic GABA receptors. “It’s like we got them a little inebriated, just enough to change their brain state,” Radulovic said.
Then the mice were put in a box and given a brief, mild electric shock. When the mice were returned to the same box the next day, they moved about freely and weren’t afraid, indicating they didn’t recall the earlier shock in the space. However, when scientists put the mice back on the drug and returned them to the box, they froze, fearfully anticipating another shock.
“This establishes when the mice were returned to the same brain state created by the drug, they remembered the stressful experience of the shock,” Radulovic said.
The experiment showed when the extra-synaptic GABA receptors were activated with the drug, they changed the way the stressful event was encoded. In the drug-induced state, the brain used completely different molecular pathways and neuronal circuits to store the memory.
“It’s an entirely different system even at the genetic and molecular level than the one that encodes normal memories,” said lead study author Vladimir Jovasevic, who worked on the study when he was a postdoctoral fellow in Radulovic’s lab.
This different system is regulated by a small microRNA, miR-33, and may be the brain’s protective mechanism when an experience is overwhelmingly stressful.
The findings imply that in response to traumatic stress, some individuals, instead of activating the glutamate system to store memories, activate the extra-synaptic GABA system and form inaccessible traumatic memories.
Traumatic Memories Rerouted and Hidden Away
Memories are usually stored in distributed brain networks including the cortex, and can thus be readily accessed to consciously remember an event. But when the mice were in a different brain state induced by gaboxadol, the stressful event primarily activated subcortical memory regions of the brain. The drug rerouted the processing of stress-related memories within the brain circuits so that they couldn’t be consciously accessed.
Depressed people often find themselves preoccupied with guilty, shameful, or self-defeating thoughts for large parts of their day. These thoughts not only distract from other activities but also fail to resolve the underlying life issues. Further, the ideas that receive focused attention in these depressive ruminations are frequently quite distorted and lead to distress.
Stanford University sheds light on the brain mechanisms giving rise to these symptoms.
Their work highlights the interplay of a brain region implicated in depression, the subgenual prefrontal cortex (sgPFC) and a brain network involved in reflection, sometimes called the default mode network (DMN). The DMN becomes activated when the brain’s task-oriented circuits are not engaged, i.e., during times of self-referential thought.
By reanalyzing existing studies, Hamilton and colleagues show that depressive ruminations are more likely to emerge in depression when the firing of the sgPFC, signaling depressed mood, is more tightly coordinated with the firing of the DMN. They propose that the observed increased connectivity reflects a functional integration of sgPFC and DMN processes which, in turn, support rumination in depression.
“This study shows that depression distorts a natural process. It would seem that normally the subgenual prefrontal cortex helps to bias the reflective process supported by the default mode network so that we can consider important problems in the service of developing strategies for solving them,” commented Dr. John Krystal, Editor of Biological Psychiatry.
“However, in depression it seems that the subgenual prefrontal cortex runs amok hijacking normal self-reflection in a maladaptive way. This may be one reason that electrical stimulation of the sgPFC is helpful for some patients with severe or treatment-resistant

Friday, January 17, 2014

The unlimited posibility to assist Entertainment and the People within Entertainment

Thank you for opening this email and thank you for taking your time to read this.
This is some of the information which I wanted to share with you.. This is a real thing..
A foundation which will be self sufficient when it it in complete running.

It will have a Australian and International Memorials which acknowledges and recognises all those who made Entertainment life and completed and did things which were also behind the scenes.
I am after support and sponsors as well as advertisers. This is part for history and part a complete support network. To empower and build strong relationships to empower the people and their lives. Assisting them to unlimited possibilities.

 I do have a passion for this.. I just assist them. Giving choices and options that could enhance and empower their lives.. I have a few things which go along side of this and I am showing that these things are need to be addressed and I have been working on the ways to improve things.
You are a member of Parliament or a person of influence and  which at each time I have been put on the side.

This time I am announcing to various members as this is important and within your own publicity you use the Entertainment as an tool, for getting things over to the public. Though the government bodies, charities and cooperation's, there have been sampling surveys.

What research I have done into your research and who me you get to do research varies. I have been informed that you rely on different businesses to do this and in so knowing that I contacted different business who do surveys and asked what is their max  and min panels.

To my astonishment it is nothing like the one I have done with Entertainment. My total population panel is 89,201 which is pure Entertainment Based..

What panels and areas which were done with professional recognised sources for your panels are no more that 7 thousand at most and only by chance of closed questions. Found out by Dr Lawrence Hulse and Dr Kate Neville that My survey is one which could never be repeated by people without a lot of funds to spare.

I did this by actually talking and communicating with people and respecting their thoughts and ideas. The research I have done had normal questions which were closed: Name: Age: Location: Area: Profession: How many days worked as a artist: etc.

The majority were open questions and were noted to other areas: Health: Welfare: Status: Family: Issues which mean something to the person: etc. I sent some of my findings to the government departments for funding but was knocked back for not being one part only or not enough information for another part or mostly no believed as a serious event/gig/ problem.

 I wanted a yearly festival to raise awareness of people within the Entertainment Industry that require support and acknowledgement. Four years I have sort out funding for a festival, a seminar or a conference. Only to notice that my ideas are being used by others, as the sharing of those ideas was used since 2004.

 I am now keeping most of my information until I get a  confidentially contract signed and witnessed.

 I am a female, with a disability, living on hard times when all money goes to rent now as prices of rent are high . That is my problem..

The following is something which thousands of people in Entertainment who are dealing with. I want to now fully establish a foundation for these people. I might not fit the bill many of your requirements.  .. Please keep reading the following...

I might have been nominated for Australian of the Year a Few times. I might have sent over 102 thousand educational books to the Pacific Region, which has now been taken over by Rotary in 2007..

I am asking you now to believe in something much bigger ..  The Stats were done with 80,000 Entertainment artists and people who work in the Industry over 8 years of research by myself and then there was references from the Medical records and Australian statistics. The research standards were with person to person, phone calls  and emails between these people who are amongst many varied levels within the entertainment Industry.

No one wanted to take on such a task or support any of the research so I did it with all standards in place.. there is more information with my research, but  at this point, I only pulled out the Health issues and some other which are of interest..This was broken down for my interest and knowledge of the Whole Entertainment Industry.

From the back stage, recording, media, medical, etc... So my findings are mine and no one else has supported any of my research others than those who were participated..

They were all in confidential model and there is confidentiality agreements set up so no one could discuss any of this out side of my copyright and IP. As also I was given those who taken the surveys, a confidential agreement that They would allow me to do this by holding their confidentiality in place.

As I am not a recognised researcher I kept all this on confidentiality agreements.. As many of the questions were hitting hard and personal areas of people who are in the entertainment Industry..  As you can understand there is quiet a lot of research and paperwork which was followed through to the letter to give privacy and respect to those who would confide in this research.  And it did take over 8 years just to break into it and the some break down..

My research was for personal reasons and was upheld with total confidentiality and respect for the people who work in the industry and their families.. I do not hand out any of my information without complete confidentiality.

As I use within my area and to gain support and sponsors for areas. As For Support Act, I have been on contact with Lindy, and the responses was that they would like me to be more standing and more out there before they would consider acknowledging what I am about.. So, I am announcing and showing this is not a fly by night thing and that I have done research and fully started the foundations for this project which is of many layers. It may sound soupy and not as business like as most require.

There is business plans for each are which are now completed, communications strategies which are now completed, Advertising strategies which are now placed. Legal strategies and templates available for people who require that resource.

There are 15 counsellors who will be available when needed, they will give their time if I can get Insurance.

There are recording resources being established, movie productions resources being established. There are support networks coming into place and other sources for this to start up ..
The only thing now which is required is monetary resources.. and other networks to link up, if the wish to do so.

The domain names are owned by me and the logo and copyrights are there and expanding.  I am only, one woman, I have taken the steps to re educate myself and to establish this. I have been connected with International Entertainment Industries and expanding the networking for people.
I place all my own time and funds into this..
I have not done this without ups and downs.  I even went back to Tafe and Taken more steps to keep my skills up to date..

I have now gained more information than most and still cannot qualify for and grant as no one takes this seriously.

This is not an assisting project it is so much more and it is recognising people who never get a second look.. as well as the ones who pull in the names..
There was a Cd for cancer and heart being produced by some of these people who care.. Also they have signed contracts etc...

There are people who are waiting to assist on this.. the funds are the requirement.. I am announcing and asking for help now..

Many people in Entertainment are us for charities and slogans, they give their time and resources. Many have private problems themselves and need assisting themselves. Music which they create, movies which they participate in for great and awesome projects, they give up their time to do and with sacrifice of their families. These wonderful people also have needs and personal assistance. This is my project to assist them.. although I have been working on it for ten years. Many government bodies have used certain parts of my IP for their  gains.. as all the people/ companies have used parts of it for their gains.. yes.. they now claim parts as their  ideas.. I started this project in 2002..

Not for me but to get this up and running, as I cannot assist everyone on a one to one basis any longer.. 27 funerals last year alone.. this year I just could not do that again....
There is a great need for all resources to be pulled together within the Industry... I mean all levels..  If I have to keep learning different things I will...

How can I learn more to assist you to take the next step? I attached my education records for your interests.
Please, I welcome all feed back..
Thank you..
Sonia F Stevens

 PS.. I did not sit by and kept wondering why things cannot change.. I went back to school and to learn. I did not stop living like most people when they face challenges.. I do sometimes have bad days, but then afterwards I get up, dust off and keep going.. I do know what if feels like to have nothing, to be harmed, etc... I did not turn to drugs or stayed quiet. I have had a lot of physical pain, then again I care for people who are trying to do the best that they can with what they have and given.

 PPS. This was a letter which was sent to every governing body and company in Australia in 2006, 2008 and 2009. Just thought you should know.

Monday, December 31, 2012

accomplishments

The past year 2012, I have assisted in establishing over 450+ projects, for people from nothing.
I know I said all those things which I personally want in my life..it is something i need to keep my sanity at times to want those things.
I am a female as you know, I have spinal situation/.
I created my life over again by re education of myself in... Screen and Media, Production, Music Business, Business , Pr and recording.
The past ten thirteen years, I built up a network thought my own research of over 90,000 Entertainment families. Not one cent came from anywhere.. As no one believed in me.

I have done 19 music videos for others , written two books, write blogs and empower many people. I have not been in the 'Limelight'. I taken photographs on many things since I was given my first box brownie..at the age a four.

I was ready and writing at the age of 2.

I sent over 100,000 books to the pacific for the communities over there, and gave that area of network to Rotary clubs in Sydney when they took it over in 2006 -7. I established all that from not having a penny to my name.
Everything I have done was from nothing, no money, no one behind me.
I wanted someone to love me for me.. so I went on line
Now I am clarifying that I know what it is like to be well off and also when you have nothing.
I want to play ,, enjoy life, for people and established many things in those past years since my divorce in 2003.
I grew up all over the place and met many people, well known and not so.. I was raped in 2004 and had major surgery then and in 2011.
I assisted many people, yet when I need to be looked after..no one came.. only three people out of the thousands ...
I am not a celebrity, or a well known star,, of business person.
When I applied for grants, funding support, I was turned away.. although I have achieved many things.

When I worked in Telecom I was in finance and accounting and handled million to the new infrastructure of cabling in and around Sydney and optical cable from NSW to Victoria.
The store guys nicked named me boots, as I was the one woman who went out in the field into their domain and seen how they worked, I even used a forklift. . hence the name boots.
I have been with many artists, picking them up and empowering them to create their passions and dreams, admitting I have lost a few, through suicides.

I treat everyone with respect no matter who they are.
I give food to the street people when they are begging..as that will fill their stomachs up or a warm blanket ,,,When I am able to do so.

I established Educational Books For Pacific by gathering and giving over 100,000 + books before handing the whole thing over in 2009 to Rotary.. not one company or government body wanted to assist in anyway until it was handed over.. I achieved that from nothing ... a thought..

I want a life where love is there for me. So I can curl up and just be.

When relationships are driven by complaint or by keeping track of who did what, or the need to be right, to control, the wonderful world of human possibilities ceased reverberate through them.* Possibilities between people require a space in which to create, and when that space isn’t there, most likely it’s because we’re holding on to something incomplete from the past.

Completing things comes down to a matter of getting beyond the “yeah buts” and “how ’bouts” and the “but ifs,” past our old assumptions about “the way things have been” and creating a context of our own choosing. When we experience things as being complete, it’s a state change, from being a character in a story to being the space in which the stories occurs—to being the author, as it were.

And because relationships exist in language (not just as a set of feelings or accumulation of experiences, for example), there’s a malleability, a plasticity, a can-be moved-around-ness about them. When we shift the locus of our dissatisfaction and complaints from something that exists “out there,” to something that’s located “in” what we are saying (language), what’s possible shifts. Being satisfied is not a feeling later labelled with the word “satisfaction,” rather it is a commitment, a stand we’re taking for that possibility. It’s a transformation—a contextual shift from being organized around “getting satisfied” to an experience of “being satisfied”—that alters the very nature of what’s possible.

When we compromise, even in the tiniest of matters, it’s easier for those compromises to become more and more commonplace.
Over time, bit by bit, this erodes our sense of self. It’s like stirring one drop of red paint into a can of white. The paint may turn only the palest shade of pink, and while that might seem barely noticeable—no matter what we say about it—the paint is no longer what it was. Similarly, when the wholeness and completeness of who we are is jeopardized in some way, albeit imperceptible at first, our sense of ourselves gets obscured, making it harder to return to who we are. When that begins, there’s really no starting point to become ourselves—it’s all flailing around.

The possibility of fully being ourselves occurs in proportion to our being authentic. Living with a pretence, or being afraid that some aspect of ourselves might be found out, precludes any real freedom. Being authentic requires courage. There is no template to follow, no zeitgeist to read, no known path to success. It’s a matter of courage—a matter of creating possibility. It gets made up as we go along, and it is this shift that makes available to us the full possibility of being human, Your inner Voice: The inner voice doesn’t so much conjure up the consolation of inner riches as it does a chattering internal radio. Our inner voice is at least faithful to us—it is reassuringly or irritatingly there on tap. It offers us the unfailing if ambiguous company of a guest who does not plan to leave. It can be companionable or frightening, may range from fascinated eavesdropping of oneself to a brooding censor within—an internal dialogue that occupies both sides.

There is a voice— questioned as to its origin, we have no doubt that it’s ours, but its habitual presence resembles a rapid low-grade commentary without authorship, rather in the manner of Samuel Beckett’s assessment: “whose voice, no one’s.” We are essentially in conversations with ourselves most all the time— conversations about what’s going well and what’s not, what others think, what we think, how we feel, the invariable what ifs, how about, are you kidding?, etc. That voiceover, that running stream of thinking and history and rumination, is not necessarily bad—it’s just, we never really get to hear another or they us. We pretty much listen only through the filter of what’s in our heads.

What we’re saying to others, or they to us, might seep in from time to time, but it isn’t in what we or they are saying—it’s what we’re saying plus what they are saying about what we’re saying, which isn’t what we’re saying, etc., and vice versa. That inner voice is a subtle and pervasive presence, and unfortunately has us miss out on the full possibility of communication and the infinite worlds it makes available. The business of living—our work, our mores, our relationships with friends, associates, and loved ones—is accomplished through speaking and listening.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Living Your Dreams



Living Your Dreams
Current mood:thoughtful
Dreams a (¯`´¯) ..•*¨`*♫.•´*.¸.•´♥`L O V E *.¸.*
When you follow your dream, it is important not to be one of those people who allow themselves to give up as soon as they face any type of difficulty or obstacles.  If you find yourself in a situation where it does not seem to you can hang on for another minuet, do not give up, because that is always the time when the tide turns. "It is always the darkest before the dawn".

It is true and it is something I remind myself of when things get rough.
We can't help being aware of the pull (the attachment, really) to what we've done repeatedly. Even when we know it's not working, we often find ourselves reverting to old, automatic patterns, whether it's holding on to our positions, playing it safe, being right... Pathways, conditions, and patterns established long ago many times aren't consistent with who we are and what we're up to today.

Hold on tenaciously to your dreams now, persevere, believe and the Universe will get behind you and create miracles for you. Feel this in your heart, your soul.
Remember to believe in yourself. As others belief's are not yours'. Respect others dreams and let others have their dreams and belief's.

Most important, always remain open to receiving your miracles
"Expect a Miracle" everyday.

Have the will and courage to endure, you will be in the exact right spot to grow and succeed.

You can live your life dreaming, or you can live your dreams.

Above all revel in your pursuits of your dreams, savor you successes, and forget your failures. They are not failures when you have learned things from the experiences.
"I have faith in myself and my abilities to overcome what ever is put in my path, because I know the "Universe and "I" is on my side. I have lessons to learn and grow.". "I have dreams and they will grow,when I allow them to."


Positively charged people react positively to life because they know winning means getting the upper hand in life.  You cannot win if you're feeling defensive all the time. You must take direct action so life reacts to you, instead of just reacting to what life throws to you.  You must do more than just think positively, you must act, feel positively as well. When you do these simple things, see how your life changes.

This does not mean that you ignore problems, but rather you refuse to let problems or obstacles stand in your way.

It means you are ready, will and able to do what ever it takes to make your dreams come true. It also means you do not let your emotions, like any fears and doubts, control your thoughts. Most importantly, it means you disregard what you cannot control, and only focus on the things you can change.

Recognizing the differences between being negatively and positively charged.

Situation: You are asked to do a new task
Negative Reaction: I do not know how.
Positive Reaction: I'll break it into small steps so it will be a piece of cake. "I can do this".

Situation: You're facing an obstacle that seems insurmountable
Negative Reaction: I will never be able to do anything about this.
Positive Reaction: What are the problems, what are the solutions, what do I do first? "When can I take Action?" What great new skill am I going to learn?"

Situation: Unexpected bills
Negative reaction:  What do I have to cut back on to pay the bills?
Positive Reaction: What can I do to earn more money? "Someone thinks of me"

Negative thoughts restrict your growth and your ability to overcome problems and obstacles. You must convert your negative thoughts into both positive thoughts and actions.  Once you do, nothing will ever be able to stand between you and your dreams. You will live you dream, rather that just dreaming.

Now is the time to really start taking life on. Your surrounded by both opportunity and positive energy now, to benefit from this incredible potential, you must take responsibility of you life and consciously use your good fortune to bring about real change, your desire.

"A price of greatness is Responsibility" W. Churchill.

To really experience life, you must participate in it.
That is why you must take responsibility for yourself, your goals, your progress and most important your dreams.

Only you have the power to fulfill your dreams, you just have to decide what you really want, then develop a plan to obtain it, then act upon your dreams, instead of waiting around for them to come true.
The only hard part is perhaps taking the first step. And that is hard because you properly have not ever done anything like it before.  Remember, once you take the first step, your dreams will start looking for ways to fulfill themselves.
Develop an attitude that says, "I have nothing to lose and everything to gain" because you do.  Never be in a rush to tell yourself "No" before anyone else does. Do Not put up barriers or obstacles where non exist. Most people stop themselves from realizing their dreams way before anyone else does.


Do NOT be concerned about doing everything right, because all successful people know "Anything worth doing is worth doing badly".

It is better to do something, anything than to do nothing. You can always make things better – as an artist, business man, athlete, singer or cook knows.
Almost nothing comes out perfect the first time, but practice almost everything gets better and clearer. So do not worry.

No matter what you do, if you keep doing it, it will get easier and easier, and you will get closer and closer to fulfilling your dreams.

Trails are made by the act of walking. Once made, we travel along the grooves that our own repeated action has made for us; the paths we take are well-worn because we take them every day, and we take them in part because, being so well-worn, they are the paths of least resistance and because venturing off the beaten path demands more work, and even risk.*

Transformation doesn't merely change our outlook and actions, it uncovers the structures of being and interpretation on which we are grounded. It removes arbitrary ideas and views that limit and shape what's possible. It takes practice, courage, and real work to give up old, unproductive ways of being. Choosing otherwise, choosing higher ground, inventing and sustaining frameworks that pull for possibility, forwarding the action, becomes a lifelong practice—a continual choosing.
The more we choose, the more we practice giving up what doesn't work, the better we get at it and the speed and frequency with which we free ourselves increases dramatically.

An early-warning system gets built; new environments and courses of action get established. The outcome extends in all directions—it reaches out into space and creates the future like a possibility.

Dreaming new ways to live and enjoy life is making new pathways. Many are afraid of change and will fight you, demoralise you, make you wrong and they want you to become what they see fit and know, these people are not dreamers. They are drones of the worn paths.

 Remember the phones, the light bulbs, the people who took a different path and made a difference to millions, billions, and your life. These people were shunned, blamed and tormented, although that was in the beginning of their dreams....look now!! you are using their dreams in your life....
 (¯`´¯) ..•*¨`*♫.•´*.¸.•´♥`L O V E *.¸.*

I found that who I am is unimportant. What I do is more important. Inspire creative passions which you were born to achieve and be, is!


Copyright by SFS 2003-2014

Friday, December 12, 2008

Nothing wrong in Dating:Birds of a feather flock together when they cannot take responsibility for their own lives.

Imagine a private conversation between the man you are dating and his closest friend.  It's a conversation never meant to reach your ears.  Your boyfriend is discussing both the good and the bad of his experience with you so far.

"Don't get me wrong, I really do like her.  I like her a lot, but her friends kind of..."
What do you think would come next if this was your boyfriend talking?  How would he finish this sentence?  "Her friends kind of..."

Your friends can help or harm your relationships in many different ways, but today I am just pointing out one issue you may want to check on.

Here's the issue.  If you hang out with people who are a lot like you, they will attract guys into your life who are kind of like your friends.  Hopefully that's a good thing in your mind.  If the idea of attracting men who fit in with your friends makes you happy, there's nothing you need to do.  You're set.

However, several different problems can arise if you don't like the idea of dating a man with similar habits, hobbies, interests, economic status, lifestyle choices, or other traits your friends have.
Which of these two folk sayings is actually true?
  • Birds of a feather flock together.
  • Opposites attract.
Opposites generally do not attract.  If they do, the long-term satisfaction in the relationship will be lower, then again many have lasted a life time together enjoying each other and their different attributes and core belief's.

They both enjoy the differences which they both bring to the relationship as they never get bored with each other to stray into another few lovers arms. Friends come and go in everyones life. Many friends, close, love to control the friends life by stating dislike in friends ears. Then they become controled by their friends... depends on how close you are.  Yes, birds of a feather really do flock together.  The more similar you are to your lover, the longer and more satisfying the relationship will be.  I'm not making this up.  I'm just relaying to you what social psychologists have discovered when they researched this question regarding those two common proverbs.

If your friends are very similar to you, they can actually help you filter out men who are not right for you.  When your friends are very much like you, a guy who is not like you will not enjoy spending time around them, and it will become clear he does not fit in.  This will help you make a decision to end the relationship if he does not end it himself.

If you have been spending a lot of time with people you think are fun, but not the kind of people who represent your deepest core values, your lifestyle, or some other important aspect of who you are, you might be accidentally repelling men who would otherwise stick around.
Am I being heartless by suggesting you re-evaluate the people you spend time with?  Don't get me wrong.  You should not dump your friends just to please a guy.

What I'm saying is, friendships often come and go with the circumstances of your life.  They don't move across the country with you when you get a new job or decide the air in Arizona would be better for your allergies.  If you're in the dating game in search of marriage, a husband will stick with you through these circumstances.

Just keep in mind how important it is to attract the kind of person you want to spend your life with. Not what your friends say you need but what you feel you actually want and need in your life. After all Responsibility for your life lays in your hands only, not your friends and family.

Taking responsibility for you life.



Thursday, September 11, 2008

Tips to move on..Forgive yourself and others

We all get emotionally hurt from time to time.
Sometimes the pain can be intense and it creates feelings of anger, resentment and even hatred, especially if it comes from someone who is very important in our lives.
Our natural instinct is to protect ourselves and that’s what often causes the anger, the resentment and the hatred.
I wonder though, did you know the fastest way to move on from is forgiveness.
So – Here’s three tips to make forgiving easier:
1. Empathy: Recall a time when you made a silly mistake that really hurt someone that was close to you. Remember how much you wanted to take back what you’d done, and how important it was to receive forgiveness.
You don’t have to be happy about what they did, and you certainly should be clear about what they did wrong, but with all that said you can still forgive them. After all, that’s what you would want if you were in their place.
2. Self Love: When someone wrongs you in some way, there’s often an instant need to prove them wrong, and you right. It might well be the case that you are right and they are wrong, but the only persons who can decide and accept that is you.
Trying to prove the other person wrong is just another way of getting them to validate you.
Forget that idea, validate yourself, you don’t need anyone else’s opinion to let you know how wonderful you are.
As you get better at doing that, you’ll find less and less things make you upset or angry.
3. How long do you want to feel like Sh*t for?: Ultimately it’s your choice. You can feel angry and hurt about it for the rest of your life if you want, or you can forgive and begin the healing process.
Forgiving won’t instantly remove the hurt and pain, but it will remove it a lot faster than not forgiving.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Thought on our life in opening up to options

WE ARE ALL BORN TO STAND OUT,  NOT TO FIT IN.
We sometimes think that the circumstances in our relationships keep our relationships from being great. (If only she fill in the blank, if only he fill in the blank, etc.) But it’s not the content that determines the quality and power of our relationships—it’s the way we hold the content, the conversations we engage in, the conversation we are, the stand we take for workability.
Power, fulfilment, satisfaction, and aliveness in our relationships happen if we take our various complaints, or things we think don’t work, and promise to produce what’s missing (not as an insufficiency, but a possibility for  something). To promise to produce what’s missing leaves us at risk.

Being related is a grand conversation—it’s living in a possibility, and if it’s a possibility, it’s inherently risky. If it’s not risky, if it’s a sure thing, if it’s predictable, then what we’ll be left with is something trivial.

Our closest relationships then become a place of explanation rather than exploration, of resignation rather than declaration. In those moments, courage  is required to set aside our judgments, characterizations, and opinions and create our relationship being powerful again—being related is a

conversation, and with that comes an infinite malleability. Love, genuinely and openly expressed, is enormously powerful. And it’s in risking ourselves, in revealing ourselves to one another and to those closest to us, that we become ourselves.

When relationships are driven by complaint or by keeping track of who did what, or the need to be right, to control, the wonderful world of human possibilities ceases to reverberate through them.* Possibilities between people require a space in which to create, and when that space isn’t there, most likely it’s because we’re holding on to something incomplete from the past. Completing things comes down to a matter of getting beyond the “yeah buts” and “how ’bouts” and the “but ifs,” past our old
assumptions about “the way things have been” and creating a context of our own choosing.

 
When we experience things as being complete, it’s a state change, from being a character in a story to being the space in which the stories occurs—to being the author, as it were. And because relationships exist in language (not just as a set of feelings or accumulation of experiences, for example), there’s a malleability, a plasticity, a can-be moved-around-ness about them. When we shift the locus of our dissatisfaction and complaints from something that exists “out there,” to something that’s located “in” what we are saying (language), what’s possible shifts.

Being satisfied is not a feeling later labelled with the word “satisfaction,” rather it is a commitment, a stand we’re taking for that possibility. It’s a transformation—a contextual shift from being organized around “getting satisfied” to an experience of “being satisfied”—that alters the very nature of
what’s possible.

For most of us, “I” is positional (“you” are there and “I” am here), a location in time and space, a point of view that accumulates all previous experiences and points of view. Does this “I” presume a substantial entity located inside our bodies, or is it located in our minds, our families, job titles,
Facebook profiles, bank accounts—those trappings that help us maintain the meanings and  understandings that we have up ’til now considered ourselves to be?

How we “arrive” at this identity is mostly inadvertent. Essentially it is built from a series of decisions we made in response to what we felt or saw (consciously or not) as failures to do or be something. When these “apparent” failures arose, we made decisions about how to compensate for, respond to, and accommodate ourselves to them. The degree to which who we are today is filtered by those early decisions goes unrecognized.

Whether it is one or 10 or even 40 years later, we still hold on to that with which we’ve identified—obscuring access to ourselves and leaving us no powerful way to be with whatever is going on. But stepping outside of our identity isn’t so easy—it’s achieved a certain density throughout our lives, and it is all we know of ourselves.

The idea that another whole idea of self is available can be disconcerting,  invalidating. In setting aside those things that gave us an “identity” we  “become aware that this so-called self is as arbitrary as our name. It’s like  standing over an abyss, recognizing that ‘I,’ as we know it is not an  absolute.”* But it is here, with this recognition, where transformation  occurs—where we can invent ourselves as we go along. This revealing of our  selves to ourselves occurs in a profound way that can alter the very possibility  of what it means to be human.

There was a forest at the beginning of fiction too. Its canopy of branches covered the land. Up in its living roof birds flitted through greenness and bright air, but down between the trunks of the many trees there were shadows, there was dark. When you walked this forest your feet made rustling sounds, but the noises you made were not the only noises, oh no. Twigs snapped; breezes brought snatches of what might be voices. Lumping's and crashes in the undergrowth marked the passages of heavy things far off, or suddenly nearby.

This was a populated wood. All wild creatures lived here, dangerous or benign according to their natures. And all the other travellers you had heard of were in the wood too: kings and knights, youngest sons and third daughters, simpletons and outlaws; a small girl whose bright hood flickered between the pine trees like a scarlet beacon, and a wolf moving on a different vector to intercept her at the cottage. Each travelled separately, because it was the nature of the forest that you were alone in it. It was the place in which by definition you had no companions, and no resources except your own uncertain self.

When we’re young, things can get out of control pretty quickly. We experience danger as a distinct possibility that’s “out there somewhere,” and it becomes a notion that stays with us, at some level or another, throughout time. So from a very early age, we’re kind of on alert. The idea that life can be dangerous doesn’t go away just because we become (more rational) adults. And when we carry around the idea that life could be dangerous for many years, even the notion of possibility can seem, well…threatening.
When we give our fears rein, even the smallest moments can be daunting. Fears arise when we look back, and they arise when we look ahead. Fears arise about ourselves, and about our reception from others. Whatever their origins, they prevent us from living fully. Whether a threat is real (a situation where our survival is at stake—our security, our health, keeping our families safe) or imagined (a situation that might await us, something that might happen—or where we might be made to look foolish, for example), it is all about survival. Those moments of fear and anxiety—with the constriction in our chest, the fluttering of our hearts, the feelings of imminent danger or potential embarrassment—can be overwhelming, because we think some aspect of our survival is at stake.

Perhaps even more than sadness, anger, or disappointment, we find it difficult to deal with fear. Fear can keep us from participating, from doing what we’re capable of—from experiencing and expressing the full range of possibility that’s available to us in being human. The disempowerment, constraints, and stops, however, are not a function of the experience of fear but rather a function of the meaning we’ve added, and the decisions we made, at a particular time in the past. Another way of saying it is that it’s not the fear that is operative, but the automatic way we collapse something has happened with what we say it signifies. It is that automatically that keeps us stuck in place, and what has us lose our individual power. Old circumstances now have the power and to us.

Perhaps even more than sadness, anger, or disappointment, we find it difficult  to deal with fear. Fear can keep us from participating, from doing what we’re  capable of—from experiencing and expressing the full range of possibility that’s  available to us in being human. The disempowerment, constraints, and stops,  however, are not a function of the experience of fear but rather a  function of the meaning we’ve added, and the decisions we made, at a  particular time in the past. Another way of saying it is that it’s not the fear  that is operative, but the automatic way we collapse something that  happened with what we say it signifies. It’s that automaticity  that keeps us stuck in place, and what has us lose our power. Old circumstances  now have the power, not us.

When we stop going for it—when we step back, play it safe, or say we can’t do something—we might avoid the experience of fear for the moment, but at the same time we are reinforcing where we’re stuck. We’re limiting our freedom, and cutting off possibility. Being alive includes risks, threats, and danger—the possibility of “bad” things happening is always there. But in planning our life to avoid those things, we’re essentially avoiding life—obviously not the wisest way to be alive. The Harvard Business Review might not be where you’d expect to read about fear’s pervasive presence, but the following appeared in a recent issue and I thought it apropos: “I get the willies when I see closed doors.” That is the first line of Joseph Heller’s Something Happened, one of the handful of superb novels about business. Heller’s hero and narrator, Bob Slocum, a middling executive at an unnamed company, is driven nearly mad thinking that decisions might be made behind his back that could ruin his career and his life, or might merely change things that are, while odious to him, at least bearable. Without transparency, Slocum is a quivering wreck. He’s not alone. As the second chapter begins, Slocum says, “In the office in which I work there are five people of whom I am afraid. Each of these five people is afraid of four people (excluding overlaps), for a total of twenty, and each of these twenty people is afraid of six people, making a total of one hundred and twenty people who are feared by at least one person.” The company, in other words, is a  pyramid of potential panic, ready to topple when someone whispers, “Jig’s up.”
When we stop going for it—when we step back, play it safe, or say we can’t do  something—we might avoid the experience of fear for the moment, but at the same  time we are reinforcing where we’re stuck. We’re limiting our freedom, and  cutting off possibility. Being alive includes risks, threats, and danger—the  possibility of “bad” things happening is always there. But in planning our life  to avoid those things, we’re essentially avoiding life—obviously not the wisest  way to be alive. The Harvard Business Review might not be where you’d  expect to read about fear’s pervasive presence, but the following appeared in a recent issue and I thought it apropos: “I get the willies when I see closed  doors.” That is the first line of Joseph Heller’s Something Happened,  one of the handful of superb novels about business. Heller’s hero and narrator,  Bob Slocum, a middling executive at an unnamed company, is driven nearly mad  thinking that decisions might be made behind his back that could ruin his career and his life, or might merely change things that are, while odious to him, at  least bearable. Without transparency, Slocum is a quivering wreck. He’s not  alone. As the second chapter begins, Slocum says, “In the office in which I work  there are five people of whom I am afraid. Each of these five people is afraid  of four people (excluding overlaps), for a total of twenty, and each of these  twenty people is afraid of six people, making a total of one hundred and twenty  people who are feared by at least one person.” The company, in other words, is a  pyramid of potential panic, ready to topple when someone whispers, “Jig’s up.”

When we can separate out what happened from the meanings we  assigned, we no longer have to be “at the effect” of whatever happened. We
don’t have to work on top of it, push it down, accommodate, or adapt to it. We survived the first time, the second, third, and so on—completing a past fear includes recognizing that we would survive if the past repeated itself.

There’s a big difference between being realistic about what happened once, and being resigned or stuck that things have to continue to be some way
now or that they just are some way or they’ll be that way again. Instead of wishing we could change our past experience—a futile exercise—we have the freedom to choose our relationship to whatever it was, and that’s the beginning of building power. That’s the beginning of creating possibility. Possibility invites us into areas of creativity, of uncertainty, of paradox and surprise. It invites us to bring things into  existence that haven’t existed, take a step one side or another, unsettle old realities. Our own identity, say, or the certainty of some fact, the behaviour of others, or even the meaning of words can come to be seen and understood in new ways.

It takes enormous courage to try out new ways of being in the space where fear used to be, and by choosing to do so, we come to be authors of our own experience. Choosing requires courage—and courage leads to the ontological question of being. Courage is rooted in the whole breadth of human
existence, and ultimately in the structure of being itself.

Courage can show us what being is, and being can show us what courage is.

1 Francis Spufford, The Child That Books Built, pp.
24-25
2 Thomas A. Stewart, “Seeing Things,” Harvard Business Review,
February 2008, p. 10.
3 Paul Tillich, The Courage To Be
*Adapted from Colin Wilson, The Mind Parasites, Oneiric Pr, 1990 (orig. pub.  1967)..
WE WERE BORN TO STAND OUT. NOT TO FIT IN by Sonia F Stevens

Friday, October 19, 2007

two words

2 Words No Man Can Resist


When I ask women what they think the most powerful words they can say to a man would be, I’m usually given the replies, “I love you,” “You’re special” and “Yes, I’ll have sex with you.” While all of these statements are nice and sometimes very powerful, they won’t necessarily make him bond with you.
The two words that cause nearly every man to feel closer to you are these:

“I’M LISTENING.”

Here's why these words have such an impact on his heart. Most women can multitask. They can listen easily even when they are focusing on something else. The problem for a man is that once he begins opening up, it feels really vulnerable.

He not only needs you to listen, but he also wants to feel like you're listening. He needs some sort of cue from you that what he's saying is important or that you're interested. Don't expect him to think like a woman and just "know" you're listening.

I want you to get credit when you pay attention to what he's saying. Rather than drop everything you are doing, all you need to do is remember the two magic words above and when to say them.

Here's what it looks like:
When he's talking, at some point he'll likely pause or just stop talking. He's not sure if you're paying attention. When you hear that pause, that is your chance to draw him closer to you. When he does pause, wait a second, and then look directly at him. In your softest most enchanting whisper say, "I'm listening."
He'll get goose bumps when he hears you say those words that will open his heart to you. Why?

Because it's unexpected. Because your soft whisper will penetrate his heart deeper than you spending an hour telling him how much you like him.

Because it will make him feel that you understand him. Don't expect him to tell you what I just described- just trust me on that. When you make a man feel this kind of connection, he doesn't want to talk about it...he wants to enjoy it.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Appointments

Story of Time in appointments. Please comment and take a moment to feel what happened and see what your feelings are about this situation or any situation. recipient as well as participant.
 
Story. Man wanted to see woman.. Man said 10 am at a certain place. Woman agrees. Woman was early and waited but had other things to do. Should she stand around waiting for man. Two and half hours pass. Woman thought she was stood up so went around to do other things which was important. Man arrived 2 hours later. Then stayed around half hour then went home and complained about the woman not being there, all over the net. The time was specific 10 am. Was the given time, and agreed up on. He arrived 12 pm.. First meeting. How would you feel about this. Story.. it happened.
 
The male never gave his number for any phone calls..  
 Question: Should the woman stick around? Question: Did the man have the right to abuse her about not being there?  
Now. to complete the story. Man was an important person. Does he have the right to abuse her on line? Making out that he was the victim and say he was stood up and he likes punctual , and carry on....?  
I find it all so interesting.. as many men complain about women, when men also do the same things.  
So you rather be late for a meeting or early?  
Does a doctor see you when you are late or early? Or on his time schedule?  
What happens if your kept waiting even when you are on time?  
How do you feel when he is never on time and what are your reactions?  
Do you look rushed when you’re on time?  
Or do you arrive a bit early to give yourself time to prune up and be on time?  
Or do you like letting time go, to see what the other person does and why?  
Have you any integrity?  
She arrive early and was there on time.. she .. are you late every time? What is your explanation when you are before or late on the designated time?  
And when you give a speech are you on time? Or are you there early going over your speech.. calming down and preparing so you can be on time?  
Or do you rush in and look messed up and go out there with no prep, on time?  
These are all valid questions.  
Being late has no integrity, as you lose the confidence of people. It shows who you are. privately as well as business and etc  
I might add, waiting around ..also shows who you are.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Do not judge.

You may not be allowed to judge me!

You may not be allowed to tell me that I am ruthless and arrogant!

I will not allow you to take control of life at any cost as for now I am a creative extraordinary being which was born to live life my way through what life gives me.

To take responsibility of my life, is my right, not yours.

You were not there when I was fighting my own battle, in danger or going through torments of others.

Where were you when I was shattered and lonely?

Where were you when I needed a shoulder to lean on and a hand to hold throughout my bad and hard  times?

Where were you when I needed someone to wipe my tears and hold my face to tell me that things would be alright soon. I had no one to support me, no one to guide me and hold me during those darkest days of my life.

Now when I have somehow struggled through and found my own way,
you cannot come and victimize me all over again.

I will never allow that to happen. I have learned the hard way. Now I will live my life my way. Taking responsibility for living my life and taking responsibility for living and growing, with expansion rather than having those walls build up and stopping me from living and losing control to others..

When I care for others, it comes from the heart that is within me. When I go out and share with people the stories of past. I give respect and options for others. I chose to live life as I choose to.

When you copy anything which is me. That is your responsibility. Do not take away things which are not your in the first place. As experience is in with what I am. Not what you pretend to be.

 
Do what you have to do today so you can do what you want tomorrow. What you to really want is a life us that takes pride that you have lived, and that takes work. The only way that we can truly live, is to grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change.  The only way to change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way we can become exposed is if we are willing to place ourselves out there and work through life’s difficulties.
 
I found that who I am is unimportant. What I do is more important. Inspire creative passions which you were born to achieve and be, is!