The state of California defines spousal abuse as intentionally or recklessly causing bodily injury to your spouse. California also includes sexual abuse or putting someone in fear of bodily harm under the same umbrella as spousal abuse. People have been convicted in California of spousal abuse without once laying a hand on their husband or wife. Threats made out of anger can count as spousal abuse if your spouse becomes fearful that you will harm her. The effects of verbal abuse among a family includes the abuser who is unseeing to their actions, their spouse that endures the abuse and their children whom observe and may fall victim to the abuse as well. While being verbally abusive, the abuser does not feel any impact of the effects of what he/she is doing to their spouse and their children. Majority of abusers are blind to their behavior, they use conflicts and words to emotionally breakdown their victims on a daily basis. Frequently not noticed by other family or friends of the victim, an abuser can seem friendly and trustworthy by other outsiders. In the beginning of the relationship, the abuser does not make their problem evident until after they feel their spouse is completely theirs. An abuser perceives their spouse as a reflection of what is missing within them. The abuser feels that they are entitled to give orders and known to try to define how their spouse thinks and feels. To an abuser this kind of behavior is considered “normal”, their irrational philosophy causes them feel threatened if their spouse does not walk, talk, or think like the abuser. As a result, the spouse existing in a verbally abusive relationship can be manipulated to consider that the way they are being treated is their fault. This method of abuse on a spouse can be more damaging than physical abuse. Hurt feelings and issues seem never to be resolved because the victim chooses not to challenge their abuser. The person rendering the abuse habitually claims they are opinion is more important... A master at verbal abuse can damage your self-esteem while, at the same time, appear to care deeply for you. The use of words to punish is a very covert attempt to control and regardless of how loving your spouse may appear to be, verbal abuse is wrong and can be just has harmful as physical abuse.
“You are such an idiot!” “Who do you think you are?” “How can you be so stupid?” “You never listen to a word I say.” “Playing video games is silly.” “Only bad men look at Playboy.” “You are wrong, I am right!” “You got fat after we got married.” “You are such a retard.” "You were never pregnant" even though the mental health team knew you were! Medical facts.. "your stupid, I never cheated on you" "No I never gave you STD's. No matter what the doctor informs you"
Being shamed will cause you to pull away from friends and family. Shame tells you, you are not worthy of having relationships. People who feel shame are likely to be angry and to blame others for their feelings. It is ironic that feelings of shame cause the destruction of the very thing you may want…relationship and connection with your spouse.
When shamed by our spouse’s words we withdraw from the very thing that we need to recover…relationships. Not only does shame destroy relationships but also relationships destroy shame.
Blaming other people or circumstances seems to be the way some people deal with conflict or unpleasant situations. When I think about a climate of blame in a marital relationship, I think of the negative effect it has on a marriage.Effects such as:
Fear of taking a risk.
Fear of taking responsibility
Increaded emotional stress.
Decreased desire to communicate.
A sense powerlessness and discouragement.
Decreased passion and intimacy.
Blame in marital relationships causes despair, feelings of powerlessness and unhappiness for the spouse on the receiving end of all that blame.
Blame allows a spouse to put responsibility on their mate and everything other than himself/herself. It means your spouse doesn’t have to experience the discomfort of looking at their own faults or take responsibility for the situation. If a spouse doesn’t have to look at their own faults or take responsibility that means they don’t have to change. It is the other person who needs to change…with the problems and the blaming spouse can stay in their comfort zone.
Next time your spouse blames you instead of taking responsibility tell him/her they are failing to have a responsible attitude. And, in doing so, are failing to get the most they can out of the situation.
Blame allows a spouse to put responsibility on their mate and everything other than himself/herself. It means your spouse doesn’t have to experience the discomfort of looking at their own faults or take responsibility for the situation. If a spouse doesn’t have to look at their own faults or take responsibility that means they don’t have to change. It is the other person who needs to change…with the problems and the blaming spouse can stay in their comfort zone.
Abraham Maslow said, “One can spend a lifetime assigning blame, find the cause 'out there' for all the troubles that exist. Contrast this with the 'responsible attitude' of confronting the situation, bad or good, and instead of asking, 'What caused the trouble? Who was to blame?' asking 'How can I handle this present situation to make the most of it? What can I salvage here?”
Abraham Maslow said, “One can spend a lifetime assigning blame, find the cause 'out there' for all the troubles that exist. Contrast this with the 'responsible attitude' of confronting the situation, bad or good, and instead of asking, 'What caused the trouble? Who was to blame?' asking 'How can I handle this present situation to make the most of it? What can I salvage here?”
Next time your spouse blames you instead of taking responsibility tell him/her they are failing to have a responsible attitude. And, in doing so, are failing to get the most they can out of the situation.
“You are such an idiot!” “Who do you think you are?” “How can you be so stupid?” “You never listen to a word I say.” “Playing video games is silly.” “Only bad men look at Playboy.” “You are wrong, I am right!” “You got fat after we got married.” “You are such a retard.” "You were never pregnant" even though the mental health team knew you were! Medical facts.. "your stupid, I never cheated on you" "No I never gave you STD's. No matter what the doctor informs you"
Being shamed will cause you to pull away from friends and family. Shame tells you, you are not worthy of having relationships. People who feel shame are likely to be angry and to blame others for their feelings. It is ironic that feelings of shame cause the destruction of the very thing you may want…relationship and connection with your spouse.
When shamed by our spouse’s words we withdraw from the very thing that we need to recover…relationships. Not only does shame destroy relationships but also relationships destroy shame.
Blaming other people or circumstances seems to be the way some people deal with conflict or unpleasant situations. When I think about a climate of blame in a marital relationship, I think of the negative effect it has on a marriage.Effects such as:
Fear of taking a risk.
Fear of taking responsibility
Increaded emotional stress.
Decreased desire to communicate.
A sense powerlessness and discouragement.
Decreased passion and intimacy.
Blame in marital relationships causes despair, feelings of powerlessness and unhappiness for the spouse on the receiving end of all that blame.
Blame allows a spouse to put responsibility on their mate and everything other than himself/herself. It means your spouse doesn’t have to experience the discomfort of looking at their own faults or take responsibility for the situation. If a spouse doesn’t have to look at their own faults or take responsibility that means they don’t have to change. It is the other person who needs to change…with the problems and the blaming spouse can stay in their comfort zone.
Next time your spouse blames you instead of taking responsibility tell him/her they are failing to have a responsible attitude. And, in doing so, are failing to get the most they can out of the situation.
Blame allows a spouse to put responsibility on their mate and everything other than himself/herself. It means your spouse doesn’t have to experience the discomfort of looking at their own faults or take responsibility for the situation. If a spouse doesn’t have to look at their own faults or take responsibility that means they don’t have to change. It is the other person who needs to change…with the problems and the blaming spouse can stay in their comfort zone.
Abraham Maslow said, “One can spend a lifetime assigning blame, find the cause 'out there' for all the troubles that exist. Contrast this with the 'responsible attitude' of confronting the situation, bad or good, and instead of asking, 'What caused the trouble? Who was to blame?' asking 'How can I handle this present situation to make the most of it? What can I salvage here?”
Abraham Maslow said, “One can spend a lifetime assigning blame, find the cause 'out there' for all the troubles that exist. Contrast this with the 'responsible attitude' of confronting the situation, bad or good, and instead of asking, 'What caused the trouble? Who was to blame?' asking 'How can I handle this present situation to make the most of it? What can I salvage here?”
Next time your spouse blames you instead of taking responsibility tell him/her they are failing to have a responsible attitude. And, in doing so, are failing to get the most they can out of the situation.
