No… The power of NO
Two little letters of the alphabet, which make one small word. Why do we still find it hard to say that word “NO”?
If you are someone who says ‘Yes’ and regrets it later, contact the person and say, ”I know i said ‘yes’ earlier but I have thought about it a bit more and I am not able to...”
Saying “Can I get back to you?, I like to think about it before I committing” can be helpful when your first learning to say ‘No’. Acknowledging what the other person is saying then repeat your stance. Example, “I understand that you really like me to..... but no, I’m not interested”: If they keep trying to coerce or guilt you into saying ‘yes’ keep repeating this in a clam way. Then keep repeating it with anything you would like to add. Say it more assertively each time until it feels comfortable.
If you feel guilty saying ‘No’, which is normal when you start speaking up for yourself – remind yourself: I have not done anything wrong by saying ’no’ ; nobody is going to die because I said ‘No’
Saying no to an old friend who wants to borrow or wants you to do something, to a co-worker who wants you to cover their work or shifts, or your child who wants that ludicrously expensive game or shoes or the “Named” Jeans, why is it so hard for you to just say “No”?; and everyone, including me, has a right to say ‘No’ without feeling guilty.
That inability to say that small word “No”, as is so very common problem for both males and females of all ages. Many adults have never learnt the art, (yes.. it is an art) of saying “No”. This word is not taught in schools or homes, it is an important life skill.
As children our parents expect us to do what we are told, even when we do not want to. While this is a reasonable parental expectation, it can mean we learn that it is not ok to say that word “No”. All this is fine when it refers to making your bed, doing the dishes, having both for example. For other situations and into adulthood, this might not be good.
This leaves you disempowered by placing others needs more important than your own. As in doing this puts pressure on you, your body, your mind and your being.
It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.
What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.
To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of Saying No
You will build self respect and confidence. When you say ‘No’ you are demonstrating to yourself that you value yourself, your desires, your time, and that you are capable of making your own choices and taking a stand.
You will feel empowered. You are actually choosing that option, for example, not to loan your friends money, rather than saying ‘yes’ out of obligation or to keep someone else happy and you sad, angry, disappointed.
Your relationships will benefit. When you can comfortably and respectfully say ‘no’; those around you know where you stand. Saying ‘no’ gives others a sense of respect for you and trust in you because they know you day what you are really thinking.
You will develop inner peace. Saying “Yes” when you mean “No” can lead to resentment if you are repeatedly doing things you do not want to do. The notion of self care might seem selfish or self centred, although paradoxically, by giving more to yourself, by giving more to yourself, as you will have more to give to others.
You are caring for yourself. Self care in saying ’no’ is assisting you as it combats those feelings of deprivation, exhaustion, resentment and anger that comes with “yes” too often and putting yourself way down on your list of priorities.
You are honouring your values. Your values are your deepest beliefs about what is important in your life. Saying ‘no’ to things that are not aligned to your values is fundamental to your happiness, confidence and self worth. This could mean saying ‘no’ to the way of life, a job, a relationship, drinking alcohol is having an internal conversation with yourself, “This is not what I want”.
It keeps you safe. By saying ‘no’ you are communicating your boundaries about what feels safe and what does not. If it does not feel right, we need to be able to sat ‘NO’.
The integrity of this word “NO” a shield against exploitation and an instrument when wielded wisely.
There is a lot of talk about “yes” as it supports risk taking, courage, open hearted approach to life which grace cannot be minimised.
“No” Slams the door shut between one’s self and the influence of others. It has a hidden power . It is easy misunderstood, difficult to engage. And others.
Negativity is ongoing attitude. NO.. is a moment of clear choice. It announces, indirectly, something affirmative about you.
NO.. has two faces, one we turn towards ourselves and one that creates boundaries between ourselves.
No.. the one we address to struggle to strengthen our internal.
No.. the one we address to our own self-destructive impulses, struggle which we are most familiar.
That NO controls our vent of rage on the road and our urge for that addiction. No.. self-discipline
No.. The one we learnt as babies to adulthood.
No… Line in the sand or stone.
If you feel you cannot say no, at least to something’s, some of the time. Then you are being controlled.. Interesting is it now how we as human beings act.
Gentle Art of Saying No:
1. Value your time. Know your commitments,
and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate
some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do
it. And tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it
is.” “I’m not able to….” “I do not want to….” “I have other commitments and
time is not available…” You do not have to explain yourself unless you really
want to. If pressed for an explanation, simply say or repeat, “I just don’t want
to” or the above examples.
2. Know your priorities. Even if you do have some
extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the
way you want to spend that time? For myself, I know that more commitments means
less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.
3. Practice saying no. Practice makes perfect.
Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more
comfortable with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only
way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep
insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.
4. Don’t apologize. A common way to start out
is “I’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While
politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be
firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.
5. Stop being nice. Again, it’s important to
be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you
make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do
it. But if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets. Show them that
your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that
are not on your top priority list) as possible.
6. Say no to your boss. Sometimes we feel that we
have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no” then
we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning.
But in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too
many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your
existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go
over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining
that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.
7. Pre-empting. It’s often much easier to
pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If
you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to
everyone as soon as you come into the meeting, “Look guys, just to let you
know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to
take on any new requests.”
8. Get back to you. Instead of providing an
answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their
request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some
consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t
take on the request, simply tell them: “After giving this some thought, and
checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this
time.” At least you gave it some consideration.
9. Maybe later. If this is an option that
you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s
often better to just say, “This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I
just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in
[give a time frame].” Next time, when they check back with you, you might have
some free time on your hands.
10. It’s not you, it’s me. This classic dating
rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though.
Often the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at
least not at this time. Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the
project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or
it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true —
people can sense insincerity.
Insanely productive people
have learned the two most important things every person needs to know in this
life:
·
Who they are
·
What their purpose (path) in life is
And that’s where we begin.
1. They Know Who They Are And Who They Want To
Be
Productivity is a sexy
topic lately because most people are radically confused about who they are. As
a result, they want a quick scheme to the world’s definition of success.
They’ve yet to define success for themselves. They want it all laid out for
them. They want a to-do list. They believe that doing lots of stuff will get
them what they want. Maybe it will impress other people? Maybe it will get them
ahead of the competition? But who really is the competition? That’s the
problem.
Most people are still
competing with other people. They are trying to fit in. They’re trying to be
perceived as awesome. In truth, they’re profoundly insecure. They’re caught in
an endless identity crisis – going from one thing to the next. Whatever is
popular at the time – the illusive quest for acceptance—the lack of depth and
commitment. And that’s the difference. Non-productive people seek security
externally. They seek security in a paycheck, or in friends, or in perceived
success. Rather than experiencing security, in reality, they are the slaves to
these things. They will do anything to have these things. They are not free.
However, insanely
productive people know that security can only really be experienced internally.
They know who they are. So they don’t worry about all these traps that sabotage
and slow the masses. They fully accept and understand themselves – and that’s
good enough for them. No external standard of success will ever compare to
their own self-awareness and acceptance.
Beyond knowing who they
are, they know who they are going to become. They’re not going to be tossed off
course by the next big thing. Until you know who are you, you will never be
insanely productive. It doesn’t matter how much you “accomplish” in your life
if it’s not the life you really wanted to live – the life you were meant to
live.
Insanely productive people
have moved well beyond that. Their evolution has opened within them the space
to do what only they can do. Every person on this planet is a unique
individual with a unique opportunity to serve and give in their own personal
way. You can’t do that work until you know who you are.
2. They Know Where They
Want To Go
“Would you tell me,
please, which way I ought to go from here?” “That depends a good deal on
where you want to get to.” “I don’t much care where –” “Then it
doesn’t matter which way you go.” – Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
Like point one, most people
want to be told where to go. They want to be told who to be. They don’t
really care where it is – so long as it seems awesome to everyone else. This
sidetracks people all the time. Rather than doing what they genuinely love,
they take the job that offers the most money, prestige, or accolades. They
spend decades of their lives on the wrong path.
At some point or another,
they have their identity crisis and realize they have no idea what they really
want in life. They have no idea where they are going. However, insanely productive
people are purposeful about where they intend to end up. Every day of their
lives is spent building toward their highest ideal. The things on their to-do
lists actually make cohesive sense.
The truth is, insanely
productive people aren’t moving any faster than the rest. More often, they are
moving slower. The difference is, unlike the norm, insanely productive people
are moving in one direction. Five steps in one of those directions seems like a
lot to the person who has moved one step in five directions.
3. They Let Go Of ‘The Need
For A Specific Result’
Jeremy Piven, the famous
actor, was recently interviewed by Success Magazine. During the
interview, he mentioned that, as an actor, the only way to work is to go out
and audition for specific roles. The challenge most actors/actresses face is
that they get in their own way. It doesn’t matter how much homework they’ve
done. If they’re too tied to a specific result, they can’t be present in the
moment. They can’t truly perform their art. They come off as desperate. They
get in their own way. Their performance isn’t what it could have been.
Jeremy said that when he
quit worrying about a specific result, he was able to be present during his
auditions. He was able to be completely who he wanted to be. He wasn’t trying
to be what he thought others wanted him to be. He performed his art. If
he didn’t get the gig, either they didn’t get it or it just wasn’t the right
fit. So he moves on to the next. In this way, he’s able to get the jobs he’s
supposed to have. He’s not just trying to get anything he can get.
Insanely productive people
are the same way. They are raw and real. They are present and perform on their
highest level because they aren’t dependent on a particular outcome. They have
an innate trust that everything will work out for them if they’re authentic.
They trust in the universe – their higher power – to take them where they need
to go.
4. They Don’t Care What
Other People Are Doing
Most people spend the
majority of their time watching and observing other people. The goal is to
emulate and copy, or to compare and compete. This highlights an utter lack of
achieved identity – an emotional and spiritual immaturity.
On the other hand, insanely
productive people spend very little if any of their time worrying about what
other people, “their competition,” are doing. They see this as a distraction
from their work. They put their heads down and execute. Gary Vaynerchuck,
perhaps one of the most productive people on earth, says he doesn’t have time
to read other people’s stuff. He’s too busy creating his own content.
5. They Don’t Care What
Other People Think
“What people think of you
is none of your business.” – Amy Hatvany
The majority of the
population lives in absolute fear about what other people think of them. They
try to be perfect. They try to be liked. They are unwilling to be vulnerable.
To be real and truthful.
Insanely productive people
put themselves completely out there. They are doing their work for themselves
and for the people it was intended for. Anyone outside their target audience
doesn’t exist to them. Haters and critics are flowers, not darts.
6. But They Care Intensely
About Those They Serve
Despite caring very little
about what other people think, insanely productive people care fiercely about
other people. They have a love for humanity that is nothing short of divine.
Every person has infinite potential in their worldview. When they look at
another person, they see a person – not an object. They feel. Like really feel.
It’s not a staged act.
Insanely productive people
are incredibly empathetic. They relate with people on their level. They’re
relevant and connect. They influence with their love. Those they serve can feel
it and they’re changed.
7. Their Work Is Their Art
– It’s Highly Personal
Insanely productive people
don’t have jobs. They are artists – even if accountants, bankers, or lawyers.
The work they do is everything they are. They give completely to their work.
It’s emotional labor. When they finish, there’s nothing left. If it isn’t
meaningful, they don’t do it. To do so doesn’t make sense to them.
If they can’t feel it deep
when they are working, they are not working. They’re not living. They’re not in
the zone. And they seek that zone. That’s when art and magic happens.
Everything in their life is set up to create that space. This is why they were
born.
8. They Don’t Need
Permission
Most people wait. They
believe they can start after they have enough time, money, connections, and
credentials. They wait until they feel “secure.” Not insanely productive
people.
Insanely productive people
started last year. They started five years ago before they even knew what they
were doing. They started before they had any money. They started before they
had all the answers. They started when no one else believed in them. The only
permission they needed was the voice inside them prompting them to move
forward. And they moved.
9. They Learn Through Doing
Theory can only take a
person so far. Putting yourself out there and falling flat on your face, over,
and over, and over is how insanely productive people learn. Rather than having
meetings and discussions, they go out and practice. While most people are reading,
thinking, and dreaming, insanely productive people are out doing. The goal is
to learn while creating output. Non-productive people on the other hand
have a lopsided ratio of input and output – with very little of the latter.
10. They Don’t Take Themselves
Too Seriously
Insanely productive people
have an ease about life. Everything is going to be okay. They allow themselves
to laugh and to feel and to love. They don’t overthink themselves. They don’t
define themselves by their achievements.
They laugh at themselves
when they make blunders. They’re okay with the fact that they’re not perfect.
They embrace their humanity. They genuinely like themselves as a human being.
They don’t crucify themselves at every mistake. They give themselves the
benefit of the doubt.
11. They Can Enjoy Where
They Presently Are On ‘The Path’
“When someone says: “So
what’s next?” As in, “how are you going to top that?” You don’t have to have an
answer. The answer can be: “This.” Your life doesn’t have to be about
impressing other people or a successive series of achievements.”- Ryan
Holiday
Insanely productive people
find joy in the journey. They aren’t always waiting for that next chapter
in life. They are happy with where they are. They are alive. Non-productive
people wait for contentment until after they graduate from college, or get that
promotion, or retire. All the while, their life passed them by and they never
really experienced the moment.
12. They Ask For Help
“Rainmakers generate
revenue by making asks. They ask for donations. They ask for contracts. They
ask for deals. They ask for opportunities. They ask to meet with leaders or
speak to them over the phone. They ask for publicity. They come up with ideas
and ask for a few minutes of your time to pitch it. They ask for help. Don’t
let rainmaking deter you from your dream. It’s one of the barriers to entry,
and you can overcome it. Once you taste the sweet victory of a positive
response, you’ll not only become comfortable with it, you might even enjoy it.
But making asks is the only way to bring your dream to life.” – Ben Arment
Insanely productive people
know they don’t have all the answers. They aren’t afraid to ask for directions
when lost. They aren’t too proud to say when they’re having a hard time.
Amanda Palmer is a famous
musician. Her career is based on making asks. She left her record label so she
could give her music away for free. She had enough trust in her fans and
followers to ask them for help in exchange for the value she provided them. She
launched a Kickstarter and made well over a million dollars. She couchsurfs all
over the world. Her fans bring her food.
All she does is ask. She
asks because she has courage. She asks because she has trust. She asks because
she wants to be vulnerable with her tribe. They give generously because they
have been the generous recipients of her gifts.
13. They Drop What’s Not
Working
“Extraordinary benefits
also accrue to the tiny majority with the guts to quit early and refocus their
efforts on something new.” – Seth Godin
Insanely productive people
understand the concept of sunk cost. When something isn’t working, they drop it
and move on. They don’t continue putting resources into a burning ship.
14. They Think Laterally
Rather Than Vertically
“Lateral thinking doesn’t replace
hard work; it eliminates unnecessary cycles.” – Shane Snow
Most of the United States
Presidents spent less time in politics than the average congressman. Moreover,
the best, and most popular Presidents, generally spent the least amount
of time in politics. Rather than spending decades climbing the tedious ladder
with glass ceilings, they simply jumped laterally from a different,
non-political ladder.
Ronald Reagan was an actor.
Dwight Eisenhower laterally shifted from the military. Woodrow Wilson bounced
over from academia. These men spent considerably little time in politics and
became fabulous Presidents. They reached the top by skipping the unnecessary
“dues-paying” steps. Insanely productive people think the same way. Rather than
climbing up ladders the traditional ways, they think of alternative routes.
They skip unnecessary steps by pivoting and shifting.
15. They Constantly Prune
Their Lives
“You cannot overestimate
the unimportance of practically everything.” – Greg McKeown
Last but certainly not
least—insanely productive people continuously “clean their closet.” They live
minimally. When life starts getting too busy, they step back and remove what is
unneeded. Rather than adding more to their life, they say, “no” to almost everything.
If they’ve made non-essential commitments in their future, they cancel those
superfluous appointments. Their lives are simple and to the point.
We’ve all been there, sitting in our local coffee shop
with our book in hand, when suddenly you read something so enlightening, so
unexpected that you choke a little on your double mocha frap. Maybe you stop to
ponder for a minute that undeniable piece of wisdom, wisdom which flies in the
frap-lathered face of an idea — or many — which you held so dear. This is a
moment of epiphany change, and it feels fantastic.
(¯`´¯) ..•*¨`*♫.•´*.¸.•´♥`L O V E
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The love that is within you need to be honoured.. not the love that is mixed with lust.. The love, love that gives you love with language, trust, gratitude, forgiveness .To honour and respect to acknowledge is respect is the simplest things. What happen when you honour the place in you as it honours you and the homage that is with you is called peace. Joy is your reward, it is called understanding.. it is called joy.. The clarity is the reward. Singularity is not duality, you need to find your singularity as you are born and die singularity. You need start that in your life which is in the light. When you give yourself the knowledge, you find the joy and light in your life. You find real love which is the light of your life and it is then you see every life for who/what is around you. Stop gossiping about others as then you find not the real joy of life. That light resides in your heart. The gift of knowledge , to turn the knowledge of the outside to turn the knowledge which is turned to inside of you. Full fill your thirst within you with the knowledge that is within you, It does not reside outside of you,. Appreciate what is in front of you. This is what gives you joy. Joy and peace reside within yourself it has nothing to do with what is outside of your being.. Feel your breath and feel the joy of the simple breath, see the colours and know the joy of sight, see the textures and understand the joy of textures. Joy gives you a life of peace.. simple.. enjoy the simple things and hold on to them, release everything else so you can live in joy and in peace. The simple things gives us life and freedom. Don't get complicated.(¯`´¯) ..•*¨`*♫.• ´*.¸.•´♥`L O V E
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