When you realise that changing yourself is not
actually outright change but growth. A relationship takes two people, committed
to each other. Each one is to conform and compromise. Real relationships are
about both adopting to each other, when this takes place a marked improvement
is noticed in your relationship.
There are always a assumptions or thoughts which you
know, which is found be be wrong. You need to be open to new ideas and new
concepts in being.
In order for things to improve, you are required to
go into them with an open mind; a mind that accepts diversity and change; a mind
that seeks opportunity to evolve and realise the potential. Succumbing to
change is never a weakness, it is a powerful strength. This strength proves
that you are in for the long haul and truly care for your partner, lover,
friend and mate. In turn they will have the same devotional goal.
Acknowledge that you cannot and will not change your
partner, lover, friend or mate. They evolve and grow with you.
The one thing that has driven men mad is the fact
that women tend to gets to know them, develop feelings for them, date them, and
committee to them, only to try to change them. And this is where women and men
go wrong.
You cannot make a man do certain things nor can you
make him following certain habits. All you can do however is to communicate
your views, wishes and desires and hope for the best. You also cannot control
the thoughts that go through his head, regardless of how determined you are. Do
however make requests of him. Do not fall into the category of a manipulator.
There is a warning: There are exceptions to every
rule. There are men and women out there who are simple genuine jerks, flakes, wankers,
who want to make your life hell. There are men who will forever trapped in
their childlike and / or stubborn ways, refusing to expand and grow or even
acknowledge growth.
Women as a whole tend to be more emotional and
thoughtful. This drives you insane from over thinking and getting nowhere.
How many times have you tried to pour your heart out
to your man, only to have him immediately get defensive and act as if you have
accused him of something or rather? He then accuses you of overthinking, over
analysing and / or living in the past.
He basically informs you to build a bridge and get
over it, and then less-than-respectfully you get a grip?
I know the answer is ‘yes’
The resentment is the result for you as the bridge
is built and crossing it countless of times, only for you to realise that every
time you cross it, you never left. Causing you, by the build-up of negative
feelings towards that person. You start to develop “why bother” attitude whether
you realise it or not.
You have officially developed a state of mind
called, NEGATIVE EMOTIONAL OVERLOAD.
No it is not personified version of a computer
virus.
It is when your build-up of anger, frustrations and
the pain dealing with your man starts to override any and all pleasant thoughts
about him. Leaving things uncompleted and undone.
Once this occurs, you lash out for what seems to be
no reason, when actually there are real reasons. You become the one who has the
problem. Alternatively you may put up an emotional road block, no longer
letting him in. You may find yourself becoming mentally unbalanced. You become
emotionally distant. He will lose interest and leave, not caring of the mess he has placed you in.
And his attitude “I don’t know what went wrong” :she is the crazy one” .
Men and women are different. This makes neither
right nor wrong – just different. You simply have to embrace that fact. You are
two different people. It is that the two of you choose to do with those differences
that really matters. You both need to acknowledge and accept those differences
for what they are.
When we become familiar with each other we both
begin to expect certain behaviours from one and other. When we do not get what
we expect, we in the beginning to see annoyances, even the smallest one.. We
expect someone to act in the way we deem normal.
Over time, we
give focus on these differences and quirks, some people seize on them and the
relationships start to be in jeopardy, others accept them for who they are and
build from those, these relationships succeed, expand and grow.
Men hurt. Men can crumble inside and face the
greatest adversities with fear and dread, if he dares to show it on the outside, he
risks his reputation and his standing in the society and community as a whole.
Rather than risk this, many men simply block things out and shut their emotions
down.
Example: What happens when a little girl cries?
Hearts break and people rush to their aid, by
scooping them up and cuddling them, reassuring them.
What happens when a little boy cries?
More often that you realise, they are told to grow
up, man up, or walk it off.
From an very early age, our emotions are stifled and
taught to us. Can you see how these may create some adverse and relationship –
affecting traits?
Many men will simply err on the side of caution and
not show any emotions at all. Women become very emotional and always feeling
things.
Men, when they had a heated argument usually tries
to act as if nothing much has happened and goes to work or about their business
or pleasure. It is either that or he stays angry. Which can build up like a
pressure cooker. When they approach their family or friends for support, they
are heckled and jeered upon.
Women generally want to pull their hair out, have a
dam good cry, and possibly even contact their friends or family for a support
system.
Conflict generally weighs more on the woman and
stick with them longer. Does this make them weak? Hell NO! Not one iota. Try to
imagine a man doing that!
The key is a delicate balance of emotional strength
and real, human, honest to goodness release. When, Where, How? Herein lies the
problem men face every single day.
Women claim that they want a man who is not afraid
to show emotion, but many women often shudder when they actually see those
things in a man.
Many women believe men are emotionless, unfeeling
beings. This is far from the real truth. Men can feel and experience just as
much fear and uneasiness as any woman. They can feel heart-wrenching loneliness
just as often. The difference is that they were not raised to show that part of
them openly. Doing so sends them back to the days of childhood and running to
the parent to doctor them. More often the men were not geared to be the ones
doing the comforting, not the ones needing to be comforted. Generations of men
have been raised and wired this way. They simply cannot help it.
There are absolutely exceptions, the problem lies in
trying to be one of the exceptions without being judged or seen as less of a
man. It feels like a “can’t win” situation, regardless of which they choose.
Do men become the man we deserve and long for or, do
the men what is expected by the majority? The answer is not cut and dry as you
might think.
