Tips to move on..Forgive yourself and others

We all get emotionally hurt from time to time.
Sometimes the pain can be intense and it creates feelings of anger, resentment and even hatred, especially if it comes from someone who is very important in our lives.
Our natural instinct is to protect ourselves and that’s what often causes the anger, the resentment and the hatred.
I wonder though, did you know the fastest way to move on from is forgiveness.
So – Here’s three tips to make forgiving easier:
1. Empathy: Recall a time when you made a silly mistake that really hurt someone that was close to you. Remember how much you wanted to take back what you’d done, and how important it was to receive forgiveness.
You don’t have to be happy about what they did, and you certainly should be clear about what they did wrong, but with all that said you can still forgive them. After all, that’s what you would want if you were in their place.
2. Self Love: When someone wrongs you in some way, there’s often an instant need to prove them wrong, and you right. It might well be the case that you are right and they are wrong, but the only persons who can decide and accept that is you.
Trying to prove the other person wrong is just another way of getting them to validate you.
Forget that idea, validate yourself, you don’t need anyone else’s opinion to let you know how wonderful you are.
As you get better at doing that, you’ll find less and less things make you upset or angry.
3. How long do you want to feel like Sh*t for?: Ultimately it’s your choice. You can feel angry and hurt about it for the rest of your life if you want, or you can forgive and begin the healing process.
Forgiving won’t instantly remove the hurt and pain, but it will remove it a lot faster than not forgiving.

Thought on our life in opening up to options

WE ARE ALL BORN TO STAND OUT,  NOT TO FIT IN.
We sometimes think that the circumstances in our relationships keep our relationships from being great. (If only she fill in the blank, if only he fill in the blank, etc.) But it’s not the content that determines the quality and power of our relationships—it’s the way we hold the content, the conversations we engage in, the conversation we are, the stand we take for workability.
Power, fulfilment, satisfaction, and aliveness in our relationships happen if we take our various complaints, or things we think don’t work, and promise to produce what’s missing (not as an insufficiency, but a possibility for  something). To promise to produce what’s missing leaves us at risk.

Being related is a grand conversation—it’s living in a possibility, and if it’s a possibility, it’s inherently risky. If it’s not risky, if it’s a sure thing, if it’s predictable, then what we’ll be left with is something trivial.

Our closest relationships then become a place of explanation rather than exploration, of resignation rather than declaration. In those moments, courage  is required to set aside our judgments, characterizations, and opinions and create our relationship being powerful again—being related is a

conversation, and with that comes an infinite malleability. Love, genuinely and openly expressed, is enormously powerful. And it’s in risking ourselves, in revealing ourselves to one another and to those closest to us, that we become ourselves.

When relationships are driven by complaint or by keeping track of who did what, or the need to be right, to control, the wonderful world of human possibilities ceases to reverberate through them.* Possibilities between people require a space in which to create, and when that space isn’t there, most likely it’s because we’re holding on to something incomplete from the past. Completing things comes down to a matter of getting beyond the “yeah buts” and “how ’bouts” and the “but ifs,” past our old
assumptions about “the way things have been” and creating a context of our own choosing.

 

When we experience things as being complete, it’s a state change, from being a character in a story to being the space in which the stories occurs—to being the author, as it were. And because relationships exist in language (not just as a set of feelings or accumulation of experiences, for example), there’s a malleability, a plasticity, a can-be moved-around-ness about them. When we shift the locus of our dissatisfaction and complaints from something that exists “out there,” to something that’s located “in” what we are saying (language), what’s possible shifts.

Being satisfied is not a feeling later labelled with the word “satisfaction,” rather it is a commitment, a stand we’re taking for that possibility. It’s a transformation—a contextual shift from being organized around “getting satisfied” to an experience of “being satisfied”—that alters the very nature of
what’s possible.

For most of us, “I” is positional (“you” are there and “I” am here), a location in time and space, a point of view that accumulates all previous experiences and points of view. Does this “I” presume a substantial entity located inside our bodies, or is it located in our minds, our families, job titles,
Facebook profiles, bank accounts—those trappings that help us maintain the meanings and  understandings that we have up ’til now considered ourselves to be?

How we “arrive” at this identity is mostly inadvertent. Essentially it is built from a series of decisions we made in response to what we felt or saw (consciously or not) as failures to do or be something. When these “apparent” failures arose, we made decisions about how to compensate for, respond to, and accommodate ourselves to them. The degree to which who we are today is filtered by those early decisions goes unrecognized.

Whether it is one or 10 or even 40 years later, we still hold on to that with which we’ve identified—obscuring access to ourselves and leaving us no powerful way to be with whatever is going on. But stepping outside of our identity isn’t so easy—it’s achieved a certain density throughout our lives, and it is all we know of ourselves.

The idea that another whole idea of self is available can be disconcerting,  invalidating. In setting aside those things that gave us an “identity” we  “become aware that this so-called self is as arbitrary as our name. It’s like  standing over an abyss, recognizing that ‘I,’ as we know it is not an  absolute.”* But it is here, with this recognition, where transformation  occurs—where we can invent ourselves as we go along. This revealing of our  selves to ourselves occurs in a profound way that can alter the very possibility  of what it means to be human.

There was a forest at the beginning of fiction too. Its canopy of branches covered the land. Up in its living roof birds flitted through greenness and bright air, but down between the trunks of the many trees there were shadows, there was dark. When you walked this forest your feet made rustling sounds, but the noises you made were not the only noises, oh no. Twigs snapped; breezes brought snatches of what might be voices. Lumping's and crashes in the undergrowth marked the passages of heavy things far off, or suddenly nearby.

This was a populated wood. All wild creatures lived here, dangerous or benign according to their natures. And all the other travellers you had heard of were in the wood too: kings and knights, youngest sons and third daughters, simpletons and outlaws; a small girl whose bright hood flickered between the pine trees like a scarlet beacon, and a wolf moving on a different vector to intercept her at the cottage. Each travelled separately, because it was the nature of the forest that you were alone in it. It was the place in which by definition you had no companions, and no resources except your own uncertain self.

When we’re young, things can get out of control pretty quickly. We experience danger as a distinct possibility that’s “out there somewhere,” and it becomes a notion that stays with us, at some level or another, throughout time. So from a very early age, we’re kind of on alert. The idea that life can be dangerous doesn’t go away just because we become (more rational) adults. And when we carry around the idea that life could be dangerous for many years, even the notion of possibility can seem, well…threatening.
When we give our fears rein, even the smallest moments can be daunting. Fears arise when we look back, and they arise when we look ahead. Fears arise about ourselves, and about our reception from others. Whatever their origins, they prevent us from living fully. Whether a threat is real (a situation where our survival is at stake—our security, our health, keeping our families safe) or imagined (a situation that might await us, something that might happen—or where we might be made to look foolish, for example), it is all about survival. Those moments of fear and anxiety—with the constriction in our chest, the fluttering of our hearts, the feelings of imminent danger or potential embarrassment—can be overwhelming, because we think some aspect of our survival is at stake.

Perhaps even more than sadness, anger, or disappointment, we find it difficult to deal with fear. Fear can keep us from participating, from doing what we’re capable of—from experiencing and expressing the full range of possibility that’s available to us in being human. The disempowerment, constraints, and stops, however, are not a function of the experience of fear but rather a function of the meaning we’ve added, and the decisions we made, at a particular time in the past. Another way of saying it is that it’s not the fear that is operative, but the automatic way we collapse something has happened with what we say it signifies. It is that automatically that keeps us stuck in place, and what has us lose our individual power. Old circumstances now have the power and to us.

Perhaps even more than sadness, anger, or disappointment, we find it difficult  to deal with fear. Fear can keep us from participating, from doing what we’re  capable of—from experiencing and expressing the full range of possibility that’s  available to us in being human. The disempowerment, constraints, and stops,  however, are not a function of the experience of fear but rather a  function of the meaning we’ve added, and the decisions we made, at a  particular time in the past. Another way of saying it is that it’s not the fear  that is operative, but the automatic way we collapse something that  happened with what we say it signifies. It’s that automaticity  that keeps us stuck in place, and what has us lose our power. Old circumstances  now have the power, not us.

When we stop going for it—when we step back, play it safe, or say we can’t do something—we might avoid the experience of fear for the moment, but at the same time we are reinforcing where we’re stuck. We’re limiting our freedom, and cutting off possibility. Being alive includes risks, threats, and danger—the possibility of “bad” things happening is always there. But in planning our life to avoid those things, we’re essentially avoiding life—obviously not the wisest way to be alive. The Harvard Business Review might not be where you’d expect to read about fear’s pervasive presence, but the following appeared in a recent issue and I thought it apropos: “I get the willies when I see closed doors.” That is the first line of Joseph Heller’s Something Happened, one of the handful of superb novels about business. Heller’s hero and narrator, Bob Slocum, a middling executive at an unnamed company, is driven nearly mad thinking that decisions might be made behind his back that could ruin his career and his life, or might merely change things that are, while odious to him, at least bearable. Without transparency, Slocum is a quivering wreck. He’s not alone. As the second chapter begins, Slocum says, “In the office in which I work there are five people of whom I am afraid. Each of these five people is afraid of four people (excluding overlaps), for a total of twenty, and each of these twenty people is afraid of six people, making a total of one hundred and twenty people who are feared by at least one person.” The company, in other words, is a  pyramid of potential panic, ready to topple when someone whispers, “Jig’s up.”
When we stop going for it—when we step back, play it safe, or say we can’t do  something—we might avoid the experience of fear for the moment, but at the same  time we are reinforcing where we’re stuck. We’re limiting our freedom, and  cutting off possibility. Being alive includes risks, threats, and danger—the  possibility of “bad” things happening is always there. But in planning our life  to avoid those things, we’re essentially avoiding life—obviously not the wisest  way to be alive. The Harvard Business Review might not be where you’d  expect to read about fear’s pervasive presence, but the following appeared in a recent issue and I thought it apropos: “I get the willies when I see closed  doors.” That is the first line of Joseph Heller’s Something Happened,  one of the handful of superb novels about business. Heller’s hero and narrator,  Bob Slocum, a middling executive at an unnamed company, is driven nearly mad  thinking that decisions might be made behind his back that could ruin his career and his life, or might merely change things that are, while odious to him, at  least bearable. Without transparency, Slocum is a quivering wreck. He’s not  alone. As the second chapter begins, Slocum says, “In the office in which I work  there are five people of whom I am afraid. Each of these five people is afraid  of four people (excluding overlaps), for a total of twenty, and each of these  twenty people is afraid of six people, making a total of one hundred and twenty  people who are feared by at least one person.” The company, in other words, is a  pyramid of potential panic, ready to topple when someone whispers, “Jig’s up.”

When we can separate out what happened from the meanings we  assigned, we no longer have to be “at the effect” of whatever happened. We
don’t have to work on top of it, push it down, accommodate, or adapt to it. We survived the first time, the second, third, and so on—completing a past fear includes recognizing that we would survive if the past repeated itself.

There’s a big difference between being realistic about what happened once, and being resigned or stuck that things have to continue to be some way
now or that they just are some way or they’ll be that way again. Instead of wishing we could change our past experience—a futile exercise—we have the freedom to choose our relationship to whatever it was, and that’s the beginning of building power. That’s the beginning of creating possibility. Possibility invites us into areas of creativity, of uncertainty, of paradox and surprise. It invites us to bring things into  existence that haven’t existed, take a step one side or another, unsettle old realities. Our own identity, say, or the certainty of some fact, the behaviour of others, or even the meaning of words can come to be seen and understood in new ways.

It takes enormous courage to try out new ways of being in the space where fear used to be, and by choosing to do so, we come to be authors of our own experience. Choosing requires courage—and courage leads to the ontological question of being. Courage is rooted in the whole breadth of human
existence, and ultimately in the structure of being itself.

Courage can show us what being is, and being can show us what courage is.

1 Francis Spufford, The Child That Books Built, pp.
24-25
2 Thomas A. Stewart, “Seeing Things,” Harvard Business Review,
February 2008, p. 10.
3 Paul Tillich, The Courage To Be
*Adapted from Colin Wilson, The Mind Parasites, Oneiric Pr, 1990 (orig. pub.  1967)..
WE WERE BORN TO STAND OUT. NOT TO FIT IN by Sonia F Stevens

two words

2 Words No Man Can Resist

When I ask women what they think the most powerful words they can say to a man would be, I’m usually given the replies, “I love you,” “You’re special” and “Yes, I’ll have sex with you.” While all of these statements are nice and sometimes very powerful, they won’t necessarily make him bond with you. The two words that cause nearly every man to feel closer to you are these:

“I’M LISTENING.”

Here's why these words have such an impact on his heart. Most women can multitask. They can listen easily even when they are focusing on something else. The problem for a man is that once he begins opening up, it feels really vulnerable.

He not only needs you to listen, but he also wants to feel like you're listening. He needs some sort of cue from you that what he's saying is important or that you're interested. Don't expect him to think like a woman and just "know" you're listening.

I want you to get credit when you pay attention to what he's saying. Rather than drop everything you are doing, all you need to do is remember the two magic words above and when to say them.

Here's what it looks like:
When he's talking, at some point he'll likely pause or just stop talking. He's not sure if you're paying attention. When you hear that pause, that is your chance to draw him closer to you. When he does pause, wait a second, and then look directly at him. In your softest most enchanting whisper say, "I'm listening."
He'll get goose bumps when he hears you say those words that will open his heart to you. Why?

Because it's unexpected. Because your soft whisper will penetrate his heart deeper than you spending an hour telling him how much you like him.

Because it will make him feel that you understand him. Don't expect him to tell you what I just described- just trust me on that. When you make a man feel this kind of connection, he doesn't want to talk about it...he wants to enjoy it.

answering the phone interview

So, how can you maximize what you convey with your voice? Follow these simple steps.

1. Do Some Power Poses

A few minutes before the interview, prep by doing some “power poses.” Research shows that standing with your legs shoulder-length apart with your hands on your hips and your chest out for just two minutes raises your testosterone levels, lowers cortisol, and makes you sound more confident. You might feel silly, but at the very least, it’ll help calm some nerves. Definitely a good thing!

2. Stand Like a Speaker

Like anyone who’s speaking or telling a story, you want to sound dynamic and engaged. And slouching in a chair is just not going to help with this. Instead, try positioning yourself like a speaker: A good setup is having some relevant materials on a desk or table in front of you as you stand. (And by relevant, I mean bulleted talking points, not prepared documents — remember, you want to sound natural and energetic!)

3. Don’t Forget to Smile

And feel free to laugh! Yes, this is an interview for a job, but ideally it’s also a conversation between two mutually interested parties. Don’t make the mistake of sounding overly serious or timid. Your skills and qualifications got you the interview, but it’s your personality and commitment that wins over hiring managers. The fact is, no matter how standardized companies try to make their interview processes, being friendly and getting the interviewer excited about working with you will have a huge effect on whether you get invited to the on-site interview. So, smile! Even if they can’t see it, your voice will sound more cheerful.

As a final note, treat this as you would an on-site interview, and do the proper logistical preparation. Make sure you have a quiet place to conduct the interview, and check to see if you have good phone signal (better yet, use a landline). Confirm the date and time with your interviewers a day before, along with a line letting them know you’re looking forward to it. Because, you are! Especially now that you’re ready to blow them away with your energy and drive.

Let the company be what the company wants to be.

.     Don't worry about the details until the details matter. Keep moving. Send the email. What will be will be. A word here or there doesn't matter that much. Worrying about the details before you even know if there will be details to deal with is a waste of time. It's all written in the stars.

.     The big decisions and grinding are what matters. Big decision: our Chairman Ken Lerer strongly felt BuzzFeed needed to go into hard news. That big decision, hiring Ben Smith and going into news and reporting, was transformative for the company. Grinding: Ken also said that climbing a giant mountain is too hard. Instead climb one peak at a time, and once you summit one little peak, climb the next one. In this spirit, my first month at BuzzFeed, I just focused with Jonah and the team on getting to $50K in revenue. That was small but it was a start, thinking about a big revenue target a year out would have been like trying to climb the whole mountain at once.

Every day do something that makes you uncomfortable. Pick up the phone. Have a hard conversation. But be kind and direct as I once heard Bill Campbell say.

There is a difference between dread and hard. Do the hard things. The things you dread are probably impossible tasks that will slow the business down. Dread is your internal indicator telling you to stay away from something, like a particularly slow to buy client market.

Love the people, partners, and companies that need the love. Always remember who loved you first. Once everyone loves something it's too late for you to prove your commitment and stand out.

Hire the person who is too big for the company and give them nothing to do. They will either nap or invent something. And make these hires people who want the brass ring.

Find and then force kismet - go to lots of things but be committed to finding a potential hire, sales prospect, etc. And be efficient, have one drink and leave. And offer up ideas, a hack, a recommendation to look at something.

Stick to your word especially when you regret it. But when the ground has changed be clear about that. And always make things better - not just right.

Wait till you have the decision. When in doubt don't act for a day or two. Sleep on it.

Be bummed. Give yourself a set amount of time. And it can even be a long time. And then dust yourself off.

Do lots of random shit. Read, fly drones, go to a hot sauce festival. Go to the off broadway show. Cook something. Inspiration is even more scarce than time. Children actually aid in this. Science and art projects.

To thy own self be true. Even if people think you are too hyper, too emotional, too quiet, or whatever. Work on self improvement, but you gotta be who you are

The study compared personality traits gleaned from Facebook profiles to job candidates' self-reported personality tests, to see which method was a better predictor of job performance.

 "Not only can you find very current information on someone's  social media profile, but you can also access a record of that person's past behaviour," said Katelyn Cavanaugh, one of the study's authors and a doctoral student at Old Dominion.

 I had a conversation with a friend the other day about his job search that went something like this:

Friend: I wrote to him last week and still haven’t heard back. It’s so frustrating.

Me: Why not follow up and check in?

Friend: I don’t want to be annoying.

I understand the fear. No one wants to be annoying or bothersome to a professional contact, especially when you want a job, meeting, sales dollars, or something else very important from that person.

But here’s the rub. The average person can get a few hundred emails a day. That makes it pretty tough to respond to all of them, and things naturally fall to the bottom of the list. If you don’t get a response, it doesn’t mean that someone’s ignoring you—it just may mean that he or she is too busy.

So, to the question: Should you follow up? Absolutely. In fact, it’s your job. And how often should you do so? My philosophy is: As many times as it takes. The important thing is to do it the right way. Or, as I call it, to be “pleasantly persistent.”

Here are a few tips on how to (nicely) follow up with that hiring manager, sales lead, or VIP—and get the answer you’re looking for.

Rule 1: Be Overly Polite and Humble

That seems obvious enough, but a lot of people take it personally when they don’t hear back from someone right away. Resist the urge to get upset or mad, and never take your feelings out in an email, saying something like, “You haven’t responded yet,” or “You ignored my first email.” Just maintain an extremely polite tone throughout the entire email thread. Showing that you’re friendly and that you understand how busy your contact is is a good way to keep him or her interested (and not mad).

Rule 2: Persistent Doesn’t Mean Every Day

Sending a follow-up email every day doesn’t show you have gumption or passion, it shows you don’t respect a person’s time. The general rule of thumb is to give at least a week before following up. Any sooner, and it might come off as pushy; let too much time pass, and you risk the other person not having any clue who you are. I typically start off with an email every week, and then switch to every couple of weeks.

Rule 3: Directly Ask if You Should Stop Reaching Out

If you’ve followed up a few times and still haven’t heard back, it’s worth directly asking if you should stop following up. After all, you don’t want to waste your time, either. I’ll sometimes say, “I know how busy you are and completely understand if you just haven’t had the time to reach back out. But I don’t want to bombard you with emails if you’re not interested. Just let me know if you’d prefer I stop following up.” Most people respect honesty and don’t want to waste someone’s time, and they’ll at least let you know one way or another.

Rule 4: Stand Out in a Good Way

I once had someone trying to sell me something that I was remotely interested in but that was nowhere near the top of my priority list. Every week, he’d send me a new email quickly re-explaining what he sold—as well as a suggestion for good pizza to try around the city. Why? He had seen a blog post where I mentioned I’d eat pizza 24/7 if I could, and cleverly worked that into his follow-up. It made him stand out in a good way, and as a result, we eventually had a call.

The lesson: If done well, a little creativity in your follow up can go a long way. If you’re following up about a job, try Alexandra Franzen’s tips for giving the hiring manager something he or she can’t resist.

Rule 5: Change it Up

If you’re not connecting with someone, try changing it up. In other words, don’t send the exact same email at the same time of day on the same day of week. Getting people to respond can sometimes just come down to catching them at the right time. If you always follow up in the morning, maybe try later in the day a few times.

Remember: If someone does ask you to stop following up, stop following up. But until you hear that, it’s your responsibility to keep trying.

Relationship alternative.

When you realise that changing yourself is not actually outright change but growth. A relationship takes two people, committed to each other. Each one is to conform and compromise. Real relationships are about both adopting to each other, when this takes place a marked improvement is noticed in your relationship.

There are always a assumptions or thoughts which you know, which is found be be wrong. You need to be open to new ideas and new concepts in being.

In order for things to improve, you are required to go into them with an open mind; a mind that accepts diversity and change; a mind that seeks opportunity to evolve and realise the potential. Succumbing to change is never a weakness, it is a powerful strength. This strength proves that you are in for the long haul and truly care for your partner, lover, friend and mate. In turn they will have the same devotional goal.

Acknowledge that you cannot and will not change your partner, lover, friend or mate. They evolve and grow with you.

The one thing that has driven men mad is the fact that women tend to gets to know them, develop feelings for them, date them, and committee to them, only to try to change them. And this is where women and men go wrong.

You cannot make a man do certain things nor can you make him following certain habits. All you can do however is to communicate your views, wishes and desires and hope for the best. You also cannot control the thoughts that go through his head, regardless of how determined you are. Do however make requests of him. Do not fall into the category of a manipulator.

There is a warning: There are exceptions to every rule. There are men and women out there who are simple genuine jerks, flakes, wankers, who want to make your life hell. There are men who will forever trapped in their childlike and / or stubborn ways, refusing to expand and grow or even acknowledge growth.

Women as a whole tend to be more emotional and thoughtful. This drives you insane from over thinking and getting nowhere.

How many times have you tried to pour your heart out to your man, only to have him immediately get defensive and act as if you have accused him of something or rather? He then accuses you of overthinking, over analysing and / or living in the past.

He basically informs you to build a bridge and get over it, and then less-than-respectfully you get a grip?

I know the answer is ‘yes’

The resentment is the result for you as the bridge is built and crossing it countless of times, only for you to realise that every time you cross it, you never left. Causing you, by the build-up of negative feelings towards that person. You start to develop “why bother” attitude whether you realise it or not.

You have officially developed a state of mind called, NEGATIVE EMOTIONAL OVERLOAD.

No it is not personified version of a computer virus.

It is when your build-up of anger, frustrations and the pain dealing with your man starts to override any and all pleasant thoughts about him. Leaving things uncompleted and undone.

Once this occurs, you lash out for what seems to be no reason, when actually there are real reasons. You become the one who has the problem. Alternatively you may put up an emotional road block, no longer letting him in. You may find yourself becoming mentally unbalanced. You become emotionally distant. He will lose interest and leave,  not caring of the mess he has placed you in. And his attitude “I don’t know what went wrong” :she is the crazy one” .

Men and women are different. This makes neither right nor wrong – just different. You simply have to embrace that fact. You are two different people. It is that the two of you choose to do with those differences that really matters. You both need to acknowledge and accept those differences for what they are.

When we become familiar with each other we both begin to expect certain behaviours from one and other. When we do not get what we expect, we in the beginning to see annoyances, even the smallest one.. We expect someone to act in the way we deem normal.

 Over time, we give focus on these differences and quirks, some people seize on them and the relationships start to be in jeopardy, others accept them for who they are and build from those, these relationships succeed, expand and grow.

Men hurt. Men can crumble inside and face the greatest adversities with fear and dread,  if he dares to show it on the outside, he risks his reputation and his standing in the society and community as a whole. Rather than risk this, many men simply block things out and shut their emotions down.

Example: What happens when a little girl cries?

Hearts break and people rush to their aid, by scooping them up and cuddling them, reassuring them.

                  What happens when a little boy cries?

More often that you realise, they are told to grow up, man up, or walk it off.

From an very early age, our emotions are stifled and taught to us. Can you see how these may create some adverse and relationship – affecting traits?

Many men will simply err on the side of caution and not show any emotions at all. Women become very emotional and always feeling things.

Men, when they had a heated argument usually tries to act as if nothing much has happened and goes to work or about their business or pleasure. It is either that or he stays angry. Which can build up like a pressure cooker. When they approach their family or friends for support, they are heckled and jeered upon.

Women generally want to pull their hair out, have a dam good cry, and possibly even contact their friends or family for a support system.

Conflict generally weighs more on the woman and stick with them longer. Does this make them weak? Hell NO! Not one iota. Try to imagine a man doing that!  

The key is a delicate balance of emotional strength and real, human, honest to goodness release. When, Where, How? Herein lies the problem men face every single day.

Women claim that they want a man who is not afraid to show emotion, but many women often shudder when they actually see those things in a man.

Many women believe men are emotionless, unfeeling beings. This is far from the real truth. Men can feel and experience just as much fear and uneasiness as any woman. They can feel heart-wrenching loneliness just as often. The difference is that they were not raised to show that part of them openly. Doing so sends them back to the days of childhood and running to the parent to doctor them. More often the men were not geared to be the ones doing the comforting, not the ones needing to be comforted. Generations of men have been raised and wired this way. They simply cannot help it.

There are absolutely exceptions, the problem lies in trying to be one of the exceptions without being judged or seen as less of a man. It feels like a “can’t win” situation, regardless of which they choose.

Do men become the man we deserve and long for or, do the men what is expected by the majority? The answer is not cut and dry as you might think.

 

 

Appointments

Story of Time in appointments. Please comment and take a moment to feel what happened and see what your feelings are about this situation or any situation. recipient as well as participant.

 

Story. Man wanted to see woman.. Man said 10 am at a certain place. Woman agrees. Woman was early and waited but had other things to do. Should she stand around waiting for man. Two and half hours pass. Woman thought she was stood up so went around to do other things which was important. Man arrived 2 hours later. Then stayed around half hour then went home and complained about the woman not being there, all over the net. The time was specific 10 am. Was the given time, and agreed up on. He arrived 12 pm.. First meeting. How would you feel about this. Story.. it happened.

 

The male never gave his number for any phone calls..  

 Question: Should the woman stick around? Question: Did the man have the right to abuse her about not being there?  

Now. to complete the story. Man was an important person. Does he have the right to abuse her on line? Making out that he was the victim and say he was stood up and he likes punctual , and carry on....?  

I find it all so interesting.. as many men complain about women, when men also do the same things.  

So you rather be late for a meeting or early?  

Does a doctor see you when you are late or early? Or on his time schedule?  

What happens if your kept waiting even when you are on time?  

How do you feel when he is never on time and what are your reactions?  

Do you look rushed when you’re on time?  

Or do you arrive a bit early to give yourself time to prune up and be on time?  

Or do you like letting time go, to see what the other person does and why?  

Have you any integrity?  

She arrive early and was there on time.. she .. are you late every time? What is your explanation when you are before or late on the designated time?  

And when you give a speech are you on time? Or are you there early going over your speech.. calming down and preparing so you can be on time?  

Or do you rush in and look messed up and go out there with no prep, on time?  

These are all valid questions.  

Being late has no integrity, as you lose the confidence of people. It shows who you are. privately as well as business and etc  

I might add, waiting around ..also shows who you are.

Do not judge.

You may not be allowed to judge me!

You may not be allowed to tell me that I am ruthless and arrogant!

I will not allow you to take control of life at any cost as for now I am a creative extraordinary being which was born to live life my way through what life gives me.

To take responsibility of my life, is my right, not yours.

You were not there when I was fighting my own battle, in danger or going through torments of others.

Where were you when I was shattered and lonely?

Where were you when I needed a shoulder to lean on and a hand to hold throughout my bad and hard  times?

Where were you when I needed someone to wipe my tears and hold my face to tell me that things would be alright soon. I had no one to support me, no one to guide me and hold me during those darkest days of my life.

Now when I have somehow struggled through and found my own way,
you cannot come and victimize me all over again.

I will never allow that to happen. I have learned the hard way. Now I will live my life my way. Taking responsibility for living my life and taking responsibility for living and growing, with expansion rather than having those walls build up and stopping me from living and losing control to others..

When I care for others, it comes from the heart that is within me. When I go out and share with people the stories of past. I give respect and options for others. I chose to live life as I choose to.

When you copy anything which is me. That is your responsibility. Do not take away things which are not your in the first place. As experience is in with what I am. Not what you pretend to be.

 

Do what you have to do today so you can do what you want tomorrow. What you to really want is a life us that takes pride that you have lived, and that takes work. The only way that we can truly live, is to grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change.  The only way to change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way we can become exposed is if we are willing to place ourselves out there and work through life’s difficulties.

 

I found that who I am is unimportant. What I do is more important. Inspire creative passions which you were born to achieve and be, is!