Self Esteem part 3

In Summary

If you feel you suffer from low self-esteem, or you would like to help someone

•Don’t try to argue yourself; better try to be honest about your successes and failures, celebrating the former and learning from the latter.

•Look for support, from someone you can trust, or a counsellor if there is no one in your life and be honest about how it makes you feel and what you need as support.

•Try to find a sense of purpose, however small and start to work towards it by setting yourself measurable goals.

•It is also important to look after yourself while you are feeling like this. So try to eat healthily and look after yourself physically.

Others have recovered from this before you and you can too, I wish you the best of luck in your journey.

 

Self-esteem can be defined as the worth a person places upon himself. It is the value a person attaches to himself. Sometimes, the same person may have high self-esteem in certain areas of his life, while a low self-esteem in others. For instance, a successful corporate executive, who has reached the peaks of his career within a few years’ time, may have high self-esteem, as far as his work is concerned. However, if he has a series of failed relationships behind him, he can have low self-esteem in his personal life. In the latter scenario, he might consider himself a failure in building and maintaining relationships.

 

There have been many studies done in the past, which have linked self-esteem to depression. The conclusions of some have been that it is low self-esteem which leads to depression, a condition characterized by feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness and despondency. Both these conditions are related in the sense that they develop almost identical thinking patterns in the people suffering from them. Also, it is often seen that people who are less extroverted, conscientious and agreeable and who are more neurotic, are much more likely to develop these two conditions. The following article further throws light on both these conditions. Have a look...

 

Low Self Esteem and Depression - Symptoms

 

Let's start with knowing the physical and emotional symptoms of low self-esteem. Here is a list of some of the prominent ones:

•Lack of confidence

•Depression

•Social withdrawal

•Negative thinking

•Pessimistic view of the future

•Treating oneself badly, such as by indulging in overeating or remaining in abusive relationships

•Lack of social skills

•Inability to maintain relationships

•Hypersensitivity and frequently changing emotions

•Reduced social conformity

•Lack of trust on oneself

•Low expectations from people and life in general

Next, we move on to look at the signs and symptoms of depression.

•Feeling low and sad all the time

•Crying for no reason

•Having no hope for the future

•Feeling tired, mentally as well as physically

•Lack of concentration

•Lack of sleep, restless and bad dreams

•Overeating or under eating

•Suicidal thoughts

•Lack of interest in activities, things and people

•Low self-esteem

•Procrastination

•Avoiding feelings

 

Low Self Esteem and Depression - Treatment

 

Depression is a medical condition, which almost always requires medication and counselling. Self-esteem on the other hand, can be raised, with a few self-measures on the part of the person. As depression is a symptom of low self-esteem, some of these measures, may actually contribute to treating depression as well.

 

Regular Exercise

Exercising every day, for about half an hour, not only improves upon the physical health, but mentally relaxes and rejuvenates a person too. Researches have shown that exercising releases endorphins into the blood stream, which act as mood enhancers, thus relieving a person of stress and depression.

 

Socialization

People with low self-esteem often are introverted and socialize less. So, by making an effort to open up, by socializing with old friends and making a few new ones, and by trying to maintain and build upon relationships, a person can break many self-created barriers. All these measures can contribute immensely to building one's self esteem.

 

Positive Affirmations

By making positive affirmations to oneself, such as "I am successful", "I am respected", "I look good", a person can beat the negative thoughts that cross his mind. Replacing negativity with positivity and pessimism with optimism, a person can overcome low self-esteem issues to a large extent.

 

Besides these, there are a number of things that a person can do to improve self-esteem and beat depression, such as, caring for oneself, taking a healthy, balanced diet, getting involved in some interesting hobbies and activities, being organized and completing the job at hand as early as possible without any procrastination. Improving one's surroundings by redecorating one's house, dressing up well, learning something new and rewarding oneself for every small and big achievement in life, go a long way in improving one's self esteem.

 

There is no doubt about the fact that low self-esteem and depression are related in many aspects. People with low self-esteem harbours negative thoughts, such as, they are not good enough, they are not likable and that bad things are going to happen to them. It is the accumulation of these very negative thoughts which ultimately leads to anxiety and depression. And as mentioned earlier, depression is a medical condition, which can only be treated through therapy, counselling and medication. So, as soon as its symptoms become apparent, a doctor should be contacted.

 

Does low self-esteem affect love and relationships? Yes it does! Can low self-esteem prove to be a major cause for the end of a relationship? Yes, it can! Do you agree with the two statements made above? If yes, then well and well. If no, then you need to be introduced to the harrowing effects and the amount of strain that low self-esteem can render to a relationship. The most prominent signs of low self-esteem include self-denigration, anger, dwelling on past events, and other forms of behaviour which portray them as trying too hard to impress everyone around them and then losing confidence because they feel that they can never match up to the expectations. In this article, we'll go through some of the most troubling effects that low self-esteem can have on relationships.

 

Negative Attraction

Call it co-incidence, an unconscious rebellion against the law of attraction or a tricky play of fate, but people with a low self-esteem tend to get attracted to similar people with low self-esteem. Since they already have a very low sense of self-worth, when they find someone that echoes their own thoughts, they take it as a sign and go forward with what can only be a disastrous result. It's true that they may get along like a house on fire and know and understand each other perfectly well, but how healthy is it to be in a relationship with someone who thinks he is not worthy of his own or another's love? And the worst part is they don't even realize that they are in a self-deprecating relationship, because both of them have the same self-belittling outlook towards life.

 

Constant Reassurance

In the case that a person with a low self-esteem is in a relationship with someone who has a high self-esteem, the weaker person automatically assumes the role of a victim and a person who doesn't deserve any good that is coming his way. This feeling leads to the stronger person in the relationship to assume the role of the caretaker and the protector. While this may be the case even in a normal relationship, the peculiar factor is that with a person who thinks little of himself, it becomes the responsibility of the stronger person to constantly keep reassuring the person that he is not as small as he presumes himself to be and that he is much more than that. A stronger person, because of his high level of self-esteem may find it to be a boost to their ego, but soon, it can progress to the next point mentioned below.

 

Frustration

When a relationship reaches its mature stages, which are after about 2 years of being with the same person, the two people in it begin to understand each other properly. The strong person knows that his or her partner is weak and hence fuels his need for attention and support all the time. However, when he sees that nothing that he does is able to help his partner and that his partner is still the same depressed and self-sabotaging person, who refuses to have a bright perspective towards life, there is bound to be a level of frustration building up in him. The methods that he may resort to, to vent out this frustration can turn out be rather disastrous, not to mention detrimental to the essence of their relationship. After all, it makes him feel like he has been inadequate in providing what his partner needed and this can take a toll on his own self-esteem, leading him to take some unwarranted steps and bring doom to the relationship.

 

Taken for Granted

A healthy relationship can survive only when there is a balance between what is given and what is taken from the relationship. When one person in the relationship has a low self-esteem and thinks that it his duty, responsibility and his sole purpose to only keep giving and giving to the other person, he begins to be taken for granted. The stronger person may see that taking from his partner seems to give him or her a sense of purpose and thinking that this makes him or her feel better, he may begin taking the partner for granted. Both of them may feel that they are right on their part, but what they fail to see is that though they're both unconsciously getting what they want to believe is better for the other, they are only further cementing the insecurity and paranoia that the weaker person feels about himself.

 

There are many other ways in which low self-esteem affects relationships, but none of them are positive. Nothing good can come of a person thinking that he or she is not worthy to live or love. So, if you recognize these signs in your partner, help him or her to improve their self-esteem and see life through bright and sparkling lenses!

 

 

It's all in the mind, they say. What we think, so we are. They could not be more apt. Our subconscious mind is so strong, that the way one thinks, the mind starts believing and following exactly that. In that way, the image that we have of our selves, also called self-esteem, is based on what we 'think' of ourselves and the perception we have of our own self. This fact is highlighted with a study of the different kinds of people around you. Some are extremely confident of themselves, proud even. Any achievement, no matter how small or insignificant in the large scheme of things, takes on the form of something that needs to be highlighted, because they have a positive self-image. And then there are those who seem to be doing well in life, but it never translates into confidence or pride because even the slightest criticism gets them down. These classic are cases of low self-esteem.

 

Low self-esteem is a crippling condition because more than anything else, it prevents growth. One is constantly left doubting, questioning, cross-questioning, over thinking, over analysing, blaming and putting oneself down. How then, is one supposed to have a positive and healthy environment to grow in? In these cases, their own mind curbs their success. Reiterating the fact that it's all in the mind.

 

Yet, though it is a condition that is made even more intense because of the way in which we think, there are certain low self-esteem causes that lead to this condition in the first place. In most cases, the development of low self-esteem is traced back to childhood and the lack of encouragement or the constant criticism that is meted out to the child. The effects of low self-esteem which may develop in childhood can subsequently make their way into adulthood and lead to severe adjustment problems. Given the kind of crippling effect that this condition can have on the mind, it becomes extremely important to diagnose low self-esteem in a person early on so that it can be treated.

 

One of the most effective ways of diagnosing this is with the help of a low self-esteem test which can be administered for answers. In the following sections, we will take you through the details of this condition and give you a test for the same.

 

Low Self Esteem Test - Diagnosing the Problem

 

The test given below will highlight the varied low self-esteem symptoms and help diagnose this condition better.

 

 ■ I cannot hear criticism about myself. No matter whether it is constructive criticism or otherwise.

 

» Yes

» No

 

■ I am my worst critic and find it difficult to be accepting of myself and others.

 

» Yes

» No

 

■ I get very defensive when I feel that someone is criticizing me.

 

» Yes

» No

 

 ■ I cannot trust people easily.

 

» Yes

» No

 

 ■ If someone mistreats me, I perceive it as a punishment for something bad that I've done and convince myself that I deserve it.

 

» Yes

» No

 

 ■ I often minimize my success and magnify my mistakes.

 

» Yes

» No

 

■ I tend to get very anxious in social situations and around elements that I don't know about.

 

» Yes

» No

 

 ■ I fear that people are always criticizing me.

 

» Yes

» No

 

 ■ I find myself thinking negatively most of the times.

 

» Yes

» No

 

 ■ I have given up on several dreams and ambitions because of the fear of failure and subsequently of what people would think.

 

» Yes

» No

 

 ■ I often wear branded clothes, or buy things that I feel people will like. I do not like to carry off things that I'm comfortable in which might not necessarily fall in the 'acceptable' bracket in society.

 

» Yes

» No

 

 ■ I procrastinate most of times, fretting that I might not do a good job of it.

 

» Yes

» No

 

 ■ I'm either very closed as a person or very open when it comes to sharing personal information.

 

» Yes

» No

 

 ■ I often felt inadequate and inferior as a child.

 

» Yes

» No

 

 ■ I hate getting into and therefore avoid confrontation and conflict as far as possible.

 

» Yes

» No

 

 ■ I constantly compare myself to others and feel that I have been dealt a hard hand in life.

 

» Yes

» No

 

 ■ My decisions often change depending on what people might want to hear or expect of me.

 

» Yes

» No

 

 ■ I tend to be quiet in a social group, refraining from saying much because of the fear that others might judge me.

 

» Yes

» No

 

 ■ I am easily discouraged and am often hurt and angry by what others say and do.

 

» Yes

» No

 

 ■ I tend to be a perfectionist and want everything to be done in a particular way and style so that no one can criticize things about me.

 

» Yes

» No

 

 

 

Key - If you answered more than 4 questions positively, then it could mean that you're suffering from low self-esteem. Anything more than 10 points means that you have a very low self-image and esteem and that there is a need to take immediate action in improving your self-esteem.

 

A read through this test will have given you an idea of how a person with low self-esteem thinks and the kind of symptoms that he exhibits. After answering this low self-esteem test, if you find that you are suffering from the same, you can then take certain positive steps for overcoming low self-esteem and free yourself of the unnecessary torment and torture, in turn learning to love yourself for what you are.

 

Self-esteem is a person's perception of her/himself. If you are someone who believes you are the best thing that has happened to the planet (a thought process that is perhaps a little exaggerated and very rare), you display high self-esteem. On the other hand, if you believe that everyone out there has a poor opinion of you, or if you believe that two people are only talking about you when you see them whispering, you display low self-esteem. There are lots of causes of low self-esteem, and most of them have been traced to problems in childhood. Lack of attention from parents, unrealistic demands set by parents for children (that were never appropriately met or rewarded), or being bullied by other kids in school are examples of such causes that lead to low self-esteem in children and if left unnoticed, can run into adulthood. If efforts are not made towards improving self-esteem, it can result in serious trouble when the child grows up and affect him socially, personally, and professionally. There are several ways in which self-esteem can be improved, and if you are an adult who has grown up with self-esteem issues, here are ways in which you can overcome these.